18 Haikus That Perfectly Summarize The Millennial Experience

Bruno Gomiero

1. Quarter-Life Crisis in the Public Restroom
Blow drying wet hands.
My skin shouldn’t flap like this.
I’m the crypt keeper.

2. Thoughts in the Back Seat of an Uber
Reading your e-mails,
Was such a bad idea.
You always get car sick.

3. “Ghosting”
I am too friendly
And never text people back
That makes me Casper…

4. Hamartia
Never buys food, still
Surprised there’s nothing to eat.
Orders Thai again.

5 and 6. Big Little Lies: Parts Un et Deux
Shit! Nicole Kidman
Has not aged since Moulin Rouge
Botox: Girl’s Best Friend
Lenny Kravitz is
Too young to be Zoë’s dad
Shailene – wash your hair.

7. Online Shopping
This is easier
Than going to a real store
Farewell, my paycheck.

8. Old School Bills
Rent is due today
I wish I could pay online
Who even has stamps?

9. Passive Aggressive
Spotify playlist
Has “nothing to do with me”
Why’s my name in it?

10. Just Plain Aggressive
My tone on the phone
When my Uber driver keeps
Going in circles.

11 and 12. Platinum Buzz: A Cultural Epidemic
This hair style looks good
On absolutely no one.
Like, seriously.

Biebs, Katy Perry,
Miley and Adam Levine,
Even you, KStew.

13. Spring
March Madness brackets
April is the Cruelest Month
It’s Gonna be May.

14. Sephora
Someone help me. Please.
All of this goes on my face?
And it costs how much?

15. President Trump
This opens the door
For Kardashian plan to
Take over free world.

16. Snapchat
Finally, a way
To delete all your drunk texts

17. Charity
Should I give change to
The woman screaming on the
Corner every day?

18. Chipotle
I don’t care about
Risking food poisoning here.
Because chips. And guac. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Chicago-based writer.

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