This Is My Final Goodbye To Us

Dreams are often perceived by some as a medium where individuals are free to fulfill their fantasies and desires. I like to believe that dreams are secret gateways where the souls of different individuals can meet, especially when it comes to individuals who played a temporal role in our lives.

According to dream expert Kelly Sullivan Walden, dreaming about your former lover stems from a series of factors, such as habit, importance one placed on that special person, and irreconcilable differences between you and your former partner. I used to believe that this could be traced back to our souls lingering from the distance created after the breakup. I used to believe that our souls were yearning to speak to each other. However, after recollecting my thoughts, I believe now that this dream was designed by God to reveal to me the harsh realities and truths about the current circumstances of our strained relationship.

I was walking around, swirling my wine in my wine glass while I observed most people at the party becoming progressively intoxicated. My train of thought was suddenly disrupted by your contagious laughter ringing from the corner of the room. Never had I known that such a foreign yet familiar laugh could ignite such a tremor in my whole body.

As I moved closer to the source, I saw that you had one arm wrapped tightly wrapped around her waist, while the other was playing with her hair. I recognized that sparkle in your eyes as you continued to embrace her in a tight hug.

I will never forget that eye contact we shared. Your eyes used to be the windows of your soul, and I knew every detail about it. It is strange how those glistening eyes that I used to open my soul to were different.

Yet, beyond all of that, I know that deep down there was some form of familiarity with the man in front of me and the boy I fell in love with years ago. Beneath all those layers, I remember all your secrets and the remnants of the small intricate details. I remember the smell of your cologne. I remember the feather-light kisses on my forehead. I remember the taste of your lips on mine.

But that was a thing of the past. Your eyes now hinted at the start of a new chapter of your life.

Strangely enough, something stirred both of us to gravitate towards each other. What started with an awkward silence gradually eased into an endless conversation. We started sharing whatever accolades we had achieved all that time without each other. It was comforting to know that you had attained the position you always yearned for. I always knew you could do it. I always rooted for you.

As the party came to a close and it was time to bid each other goodbye, I remember that I was not desperate to try and extend our conversation. The girl you abandoned a long time ago would have turned around to watch your silhouette disappear into the night. But that girl no longer exists today. This time, she was no longer seeking what was no longer hers. She knew her worth now.

Waking up from my slumber made me realize that this dream elicited emotions that I could not explain. To say I was baffled would be a huge understatement, especially given the fact that this dream occurred two months after the demise of our romantic relationship. It was only after delving deeper into my emotions that I remembered how grateful I was for the two years we spent together. Although fiction is a far different universe from reality, I know that this dream was pivotal in reminding me to remember and reminisce about the good memories.

I’m glad you knocked on the door and I opened it. You showed me a world that I did not know existed, and in one moment in time, our hearts aligned with each other. Perhaps it is true what they say about magical escapades, that they are transient and do not exist in reality. Perhaps I have to accept that sometimes even the best things are temporal and greater things are in store for us.

Maybe this dream is meant to foreshadow what is to come. Maybe it is okay at the beginning to not comprehend the emotions I felt in the dream, as I’m still grasping the skill of moving on. But for now, maybe this will do. Maybe knowing that you still wish the best for me as I do is enough. Maybe knowing that you remember me will suffice. Maybe one day my eyes will no longer brim with tears when I think of you. Maybe I will see a day where my heart still loves you but it no longer beats to your name.

Nevertheless, I’m grateful that you visited tonight. I hope one day, if we cross paths again, our faces will radiate with a glow that is different from the one we used to possess years ago. This will all be traced back to how two hearts know that they can still love each other from a distance even if two people are not meant for each other.

If I bump into you, I hope I will be able to smile and reminiscence all the magical memories we shared. Apart from the jokes and lessons I have learned, I hope I will remember how beautiful love is, even if it meant loving someone from afar. It is through those experiences that we learn that fairytales do not exist and some people are meant to leave after they have served their purpose in our lives. Regardless of what the future holds for both of us, I will always support your goals and hope for nothing but the best for your future endeavors.

This is me moving on by finding peace with myself. I hope to preserve and hold onto the memories and lessons our relationship taught me. You were once the person I yearned to spend the rest of my life with. However, I have gradually accepted that it is futile for me to try to transform temporary people like you into something permanent. It would be unfair for me if I allow myself to be constantly trapped in my visions and not discover the vast opportunities that lie ahead for me.

This is me bidding you goodbye and me looking forward to the new memories and adventures that wait for me. TC mark

About the author
Just a girl from Singapore girl who is always up for an adventure! Follow Nicole on Instagram or read more articles from Nicole on Thought Catalog.

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