No amount of words can ever take the pain away and I understand I left your world cold and gray. I wish you would just understand that when I fell out of love with you, it was just as much of a surprise for myself as it was for you. If I could control my feelings I would have never chose this. But sometimes, for whatever strange reason, feelings fade and letting you go was the only way to regain peace within myself.
“Now you play the victim like I wasn’t impacted too”- Joe Budden
You have said many hurtful things and I forgive you. I forgive you because I know randomly one day out of the blue the “I love you’s” started to mean nothing and our kisses turned dry. I have nothing negative to say about you, no matter how many negative thoughts about me may cross your mind.
Falling out of love with you was the worst pain I have ever experienced.
So many questions I ask myself without having any answers. The most powerful question I ask myself is, why? Why did I fall out of love with you when we had our whole lives figured out. You were the most perfect thing I had in my life and there wasn’t a day that went by where I wasn’t happy, all because you loved me.
So, if life was so perfect then why did my feelings for you have to change? It was us against the world and it wasn’t supposed to change. But it did.
I know it’s hard to believe, but being the one to walk away probably hurt just as bad as being left. They both suck, but imagine having to look into the eyes of the man you thought you couldn’t live without and telling him you fell out of love with him. Although I am no longer in love with you, I will always love you.
It has almost been a year and there are days where I think I have it together and then there are other days where all I can taste is the salty tears drowning my face. I think about you everyday and will continue to do so.
I wish I could take away all the hurt and pain that the both of us are facing, but life doesn’t work like that. I think it will always hurt me a little more because I have to live with the decision that I made forever. Whereas you will eventually move onto someone else who will make you happy and make you realize that me falling out of love with you was the best thing to happen to you.
No amount of time can ever make my heart heal fully. I hope one day maybe we can meet back up in this beautiful disaster called life and pick up where we left off. And if it doesn’t work out like how it does in the fairytales, then I at least hope you end up happy because if there is anyone in this world who deserves to be happy, it’s you.