- Whoa! Look at how big you are! Are you having twins? Because all women love being told they look huge. Especially pregnant women. Think about it. If you gained 40 pounds in 9 months, wouldn’t you want every single person you came across to point that out to you? It’s possible that pregnant stranger you saw at the post office today might forget about the size of her belly for those one or two blissful moments when she doesn’t have to pee, work her way out of a chair, or walk on swollen feet. And since a whopping 3.3% of pregnancies are multiples, there’s a good chance you’re right about that twins thing.
- Did you have to do that IVF thing, or are they natural babies? See! You were right! She is having twins! Now it’s only right that you ask her personal questions about their conception. People love discussing their struggles with infertility, and who better to talk to than some old lady standing behind her at the grocery check out? And clearly, there’s a big difference between IVF babies and “natural” Mothers just love to think of their own children as unnatural in some way. Good thing you were there to share your opinion! Or maybe she didn’t use fertility treatments and she just wants to share information about her sex life with a complete stranger. You never know. It’s always best to ask the question, just in case.
- How far along are you? You look like you’re ready to pop! Again, the suggestion is that the pregnant woman is enormous, which is always nice to hear. But the real beauty of this statement is that she gets to imagine herself, you know, popping. What’s more fun than that? All those hormones are causing fluid to build up in her hands and feet (and doing quite the number on her mood!), so why wouldn’t she want to envision her body popping like an overfilled water balloon? Especially with her child inside of her. This is just a win-win.
- Are you sure you’re only 6 months along? I really think you could be due any day. Obviously, this would be a follow up to question number 3. If the pregnant woman tells you she’s fewer than 8 months pregnant, and to your trained eye she’s big enough to deliver RIGHT NOW, you really have an obligation to say something. I mean, her doctor, her radiologist, and her own menstrual cycle might have all been wrong about when she got pregnant. It’s a good thing she ran into you at Target! You may not have a medical degree or know how to read a sonogram, but you’ve sure seen a lot of pregnant women walking around, so you know what you’re talking about. It would be a disservice to people everywhere if you kept your vast knowledge to yourself.
- You know you’re having a boy, right? Or a girl, as the case may be. You don’t need an ultrasound to tell the sex of the baby. It’s obvious from the shape of the mother’s belly. Why do people even get ultrasounds, anyway? They should all come straight to you. Your assured confidence in your knowledge of what’s going on in a stranger’s body will definitely be welcomed.
- Whoa! You’ve sure got your hands full! Are you having more? This question should only be directed at women who are pregnant with their fourth child or more. We all know that’s too many kids. Even three is pushing it. And so what if she hasn’t even discussed the possibility of more kids with her husband yet? She owes YOU an explanation right now. You may never see her again after your brief encounter at the dry cleaner, so you only have a few minutes to talk some sense into her. It’s best to get this urgent matter cleared up right away. She’ll thank you later.
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