I’m a hopeless romantic. Even though I’ve been burned many times before, and despite multiple claims about giving up and not thinking it exists; I always find myself believing that love is still the most wonderful thing in this world.
I believe in romance and love stories. I believe in butterflies and looking at someone like they hung the moon. I believe in sitting with someone in perfect silence and just being. I believe in trust and passion and knowing that you’re with someone who makes you want to be a better person.
I believe that we were put on this earth to make connections and to love with everything that we have. I believe that finding someone who just fits, who makes you realize that you could be with them forever, is something that should be treasured.
I believe that when you find love, you fight for it and hold on.
I believe that love should never be taken lightly, and is something that should be appreciated. I believe that love, and the ability to love is one of the greatest gifts that we have.
That being said, I love with every ounce of my being and I don’t know how to only love in parts. When I tell someone I love them, I am giving them my entire heart and trusting them not to break it. When I feel that way about someone and when I say those words, I’m telling someone that they have all of me.
And last night, I told you I loved you. It was nothing like I expected or wanted. In fact, I would never wish what happened last night on my worst enemy. What should be something that gives me unbridled joy had me hiding in the bathroom with tears streaming down my face.
I told you I loved you, but the words came out in between gasping sobs, because even though I thought you felt the same… even though I believed you loved me based on the way you looked at me… even though I believed you loved me after everything we’ve been through… even though I thought I knew… even though I don’t understand how you couldn’t… you just don’t.
And as a romantic, I know that love is not a feeling you can just choose or force, I wouldn’t want you to love me that way anyways. But as someone who has given you everything, who looked at you like you were everything, who saw forever with you… I don’t understand how I could have been such a blind fool. Maybe I foolishly believed that I could love you into loving me. I believed in love so much that I thought it would conquer all.
The most messed up part of it all, even though I know I’m strong, confident and have so much to offer… even though I know I deserve someone who loves me back…even though you took my heart from my outstretched hands and threw it on the ground… I still love you with my entire broken heart and all of its shattered pieces, and I just have to believe that like every time my hearts been broken before, I will still believe in love.