About 120 years ago, Robert DeNiro wasn’t Robert DeNiro. He was Bobby. He was a nobody.
He was just some kid with a dream – a dream to act – and after working hard for a very long time, eventually, at the old age of twenty, he was featured in Brian De Palma’s The Wedding Party. Finally, his years of hard work paid off, and it was all because he was talented and worked hard and it certainly had nothing to do with any degree of luck.
Now here we are, hundreds of years later. DeNiro is a multi-billionaire, owns seven speedboats, and he’s gotten every race of pussy on all of them. He’s starred in every movie where a guinnea wins a gunfight, and his acting has inspired an attempt on a president’s life. And how did he get there? Hard work. Talent. Zero luck. It’s because he worked hard and he’s a cool guy.
And to show you how cool he is, check out this video of DeNiro addressing the graduating class of NYU’s Tisch School of Arts. He’s such a great actor and he’s so cool and down to earth. He’s so cool that not only are cuss words an integral part of his speech, they’re the centerpiece.
“You’re fucked,” he tells the students who just graduated from a school that costs roughly sixty thousand a year, showing everyone how cool he’s being about their bleak future. Everyone laughs and applauds, because they’ve all accrued hundreds and thousands of dollars worth of debt to become actors or filmmakers or whatever. They’re all complete idiots, but it’s cool because DeNiro said a cuss to them. At 17, they locked themselves into a lifetime of unforgiveable, crippling debt and no one stopped them. It’s okay though, because DeNiro said a cool cuss word, which implies that they’re all adults. Only adults can handle cool cuss words, and when Robert DeNiro says it to them, it makes the severity of their financial burden not so serious after all.
They’re just fucked! It’s not like they’re a huge part of a crumbling economy. It’s more fun to be fucked, because it’s a cool cuss word, and Robert DeNiro makes it okay with swears. You can just tell by the way that he says it, he actually believes in all those students and would do anything to help them with their entertainment careers.
“But, that’s not such a bad place to be,” says Robert DeNiro, quickly losing credibility. “When it comes to the arts, passion should always trump common sense. You aren’t just following dreams, you’re reaching for your destiny.”
Hell, yea! See, DeNiro knows the truth. They’re all “fucked” sure, but he’s saying it with a wink. Because he knows every single person in that auditorium will go on to become the next Robert DeNiro, all it takes is hard work, passion, a two hundred thousand dollar education and a dismissal of common sense! Being fucked is their destiny, and Robert DeNiro is the only guy cool enough to know it.