Seeing Mad Max Gave Me The Confidence To File False Rape Charges

Well, last night I went out and I saw Mad Max: Fury Road. I’m not a fan of the series, and I really didn’t know anything about it, but considering the amount of controversy the film has generated thus far I figured it would be criminal for me not to report on it. Plus, I had an abortion this week and I’ve kinda been needing a movie to cheer me up. So I called up this guy that I’ve been friendzoning and I had him pick us up two tickets to see the film and also had him buy me dinner beforehand.

Let me start by saying this: I would not have seen the film if I didn’t know it was pissing off Men’s Rights Activists. I only watch things that I know men don’t like, because I don’t like men. If MRA’s are mad about a thing, it must mean that it’s good and therefore I have to participate in it because I like to like good things.

But I’m a feminist, and as a feminist, it’s really hard for me to watch any movie without being triggered by elements of fiction or bits of dialog that don’t comport with my Spring 2015 Angry Internet Woman Style Guide. Honestly I think most movies should be illegal. So when I heard Mad Max: Fury Road was going to be a feminist action movie made for feminists by feminists – specifically crafted to make men not see the movie as to make a point about the patriarchal evils of mass appeal and revenue in general – I was skeptical. Right, I thought to myself. Let’s see how feminist this movie actually is. Let’s see how empowered I feel once I show up at the theater ready to complain about any minor detail I might construe as a microaggression.

And I tell you folks, that skepticism was entirely misplaced. The movie was feminist as hell! I absolutely loved it! The movie’s central theme is the strong, extremely progressive and radical feminist message that it’s okay for women to drive cars, not be raped, and cut their hair short. I can see why the MRA’s are mad. I felt empowered watching it.

In fact, the move was so feminist that it gave me the confidence to finally file false rape charges against a guy I used to date. It’s exactly the kind of tough, resourceful powerful girl thing one of the strong, powerful, independent female characters would have done in the film.

I marched down to the police station this morning before heading into my job where the wage gap doesn’t exist, and I told them that six months ago, this guy I was dating who I now dislike because he was too nice, raped me. They immediately went to his house and arrested him without hearing his side of the story. Leaving the station I could feel my confidence soaring, I was channeling Charlize as I watched my reflection in the windows of all the cruisers outside. It was the bravest thing I’ve ever done, and I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t seen Mad Max: Fury Road, a movie that teaches women to do radical feminism to hurt men.

In the film, Charlize Theron stars as the titular Mad Max (short for Maxine, I’m assuming). Max is the leader of a clan of desert bikers, and she’s stolen the wives of some gross DadBod warlord who uses scarcity of resources to subjugate women. The DadBod villain is a lot like my ex boyfriend who is now sitting in a jail cell for a crime he didn’t commit (but easily could have in the future). They’re both in bad shape, greedy, and deserving of whatever they have coming to them.

Max and the other women in the film are the only good guys. All of the men are bad, except for the nameless guy that Tom Hardy plays. Although he’s still “bad” in the sense that he’s a nice guy. He helps Max and the other badass feminist women because he’s trying to sleep with them. Luckily though, they never have sex with him. He never gets to have sex with them for being nice, and that’s extremely feminist.

Frankly, I would encourage all women to see this film immediately, and then apply the lessons they’ve learned from it by dating more assholes and ruining video games by making them for girls. TC mark


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