Look at this dress. What do you see besides, obviously, the continuing oppression of women through legless garments? Do you see blue and gold, or black and white? White and black or perhaps gold and white? Is it important? Does the color of the dress really matter? Of course the color matters, you racist piece of shit, but are we missing the bigger picture here? Is this dress racist, or is it sexist?
The dress, like Patricia Arquette’s Oscar speech, is bad in many ways, but no one can agree on exactly how it’s bad. At first glance, it’s just a racist white dress. But if you look again, it’s suddenly sexist. Then it’s ableist, and possibly homophobic. It all depends on who is looking at the dress, and how much time they spend on Tumblr. Personally, I find the dress to be islamophobic. How you ask? Well for starters, how do we even know it’s a dress? All I see is a little bit of cloth. It could be like a turban, or maybe one of those sheets that their women have to wear. Ever consider that, white people?
To me, I don’t even see a dress. I see culture. I see a mirror and in the mirror is my own reflection, initially judging, and then accepting, and then patting myself on the back for doing a good job of not doing racism. Then I kiss my reflection, consensually at first, then deeply and passionately. Now I’m kissing my reflection hard and humping it. I’m fucking the dress and it’s covered in cum now. Girl cum. And no, it’s not pee, you white sexist. It’s real cum made by a girl.
So what exactly is the problem with this dress? Arguments are breaking out all over the online.
“Personally I find the dress to be transphobic,” said one commenter. “You can tell there’s not enough room in the crotch for a woman’s penis.”
“There’s not enough room anywhere!” said another. “This dress is the definition of fatphobic. Why isn’t it a size 30? Marilyn Monroe was a size 35. We used to think fat women were beautiful. I’m five hundred pounds, the average weight of most women, and I couldn’t fit into this fatphobic dress.”
Others pointed out how that there’s no hole for a tail in the dress, which therefore makes it offensive to people who identify as otherkin. Others chimed in, countering with evidence that we weren’t looking at the back of the dress, so there could be a tail-hole and that it was directionphobic to make assumptions about which way the dress was facing.
“I have asthma,” said one Twitter user. “And arguing about this has caused me asthmatic stress. This argument in itself is offensive to those with asthma. We can’t breathe good and it’s unfair.”
“Excuse me but why isn’t the dress anime?” said another.
Folks it seems like we’ll never really have an answer. We’re left to debate the subjectively problematic nature of the dress forever, or at least until there’s something else more interesting on the internet. All we know for sure is that the dress, whatever color it is, needs a trigger warning.