“And They Were In The Closet Making Babies,” Says Brian Williams. “And I Saw One Of The Babies And It Looked At Me.”

NBC Nightly News
NBC Nightly News

Amid controversy surrounding his false account of a helicopter downing during the 2003 Iraq invasion, Brian Williams has come forth with a new story. He claims to have walked in on Mr. and Mrs. President having sex.

“They were doing S. E. X.” said Williams, covering his mouth as he says the letters.

“I saw Mr. and Mrs. Obama in the janitor’s closet,” he says, describing the janitor’s closet at the White House, where he was hanging out last week. “They were naked.”

Williams explained that the president invited him to the White House to talk about going to space to live with the astronauts and meet the aliens, who are real, and they said that television news man Brian Williams is the only one who can speak their language so they asked Obama if Brian could come to space to meet the aliens and live with them.

“It’s true,” says Williams.

Unfortunately the only evidence of the aliens’ existence is a million dollars’ worth of Alien money that they gave to Williams, who lent the space money to his girlfriend, who goes to a different school.

“You’ve never met her,” he said. “She’s from Canada. We visit on weekends and you can’t come.”

While he was at the White House to meet the aliens, Williams was walking around looking around for a bathroom so he could find a first aid kit. He had cut himself while dunking and the cut went all the way from his thumb up his arm.

“All the glass broke on the backboard when I dunked and it cut my arm,” Wilson explains, running his hand up his arm as he describes his dunking injury. “But it healed already so I don’t need the band aid, they have a new type of medicine at the hospital that they gave me that heals quickly.”

While he was looking for the bathroom, Williams accidentally opened the door to the janitor closet. The janitor of the White House. That’s when he saw the president and his wife.

“They were in there making babies, and I saw one of the babies and it looked at me.”

Williams says that the Obamas let him keep one of the babies, and that he was raising it as his son.

“He lives with me and I’m his dad. I’m teaching him martial arts and how to be a man,” said Williams. “No you can’t meet him he’s away at summer camp right now. He’s at basketball camp, it’s a special one where you get to play with Michael Jordan. Michael teaches you how to dunk and by the end of the summer you can dunk from half court.”

Wilson went on to explain that he and Santa helped collect all the Obama babies and give them to the stork, who he is also friends with.

“Sometimes I ride him around while he delivers the babies,” Williams explained. “When I’m not hanging out with Santa.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I like recipes and my kids.

Keep up with Nicole on Twitter

More From Thought Catalog