With Justice For Renisha McBride, White Men Showing Signs Of Struggle In Race War

Yesterday’s guilty verdict for Ted Wafer, the white man who murdered Renisha BcBride, a Black woman who knocked on his door looking for help early in the morning, was a surprising and disappointing loss for a team that seems to be losing its long-held position at the pinnacle of the race charts. While Straight White Men, once the undeniable champions of race, are still several games ahead of the trailing Gay White Men, they have faced increasingly tough competition in the last couple of years; and the McBride case in particular was supposed to be an easy win.

“Sometimes, all of the elements are there,” said Straight White Men manager Eddie Crisp, “but you can’t put the pieces together. We had solid defense on this one and the boys looked good out there, but ultimately we’re walking away with the loss and trying to just look towards the future.”

Coming off hot after the Zimmerman trial, the faltering team showed signs of struggle earlier this year with the devastating loss in the Michael Dunn case. A complete rout – the murder of Jordan Davis was the first time Straight White Men were ever completely shut out, and fans watched as a once dominant team was reduced to its knees.

“That was a rough one,” said Crisp. “And, it was a learning experience. I think a lot of these guys are going into these trials with a sense of confidence that’s based on our performance five, six years ago. But, there’s a lot more competition now, other teams are really playing on a professional level.”

And Crisp isn’t wrong. Black People have had a consistent trajectory over the last 50 seasons and there’s no sign of slowing down. They’ve got guys like Sharpton, power hitters who in recent years have excelled in cleaning up their plate discipline. This isn’t the Sharpton of the early nineties who would swing at anything.

“He’s not getting called out on Tawana Brawley’s anymore,” said Crisp of Sharpton. “He’s waiting for meatballs and he’s smashing them to bits. He’s a great player and it’s a lot of fun watching him work, but the Dunn loss is mostly our fault. We made a lot of bad plays on that one – being drunk, not calling the police, the pizza – those were all bad plays. We accept responsibility for all that.”

But accepting responsibility isn’t enough, and many fans are questioning Crisp’s ability to successfully manage the team, especially after White Women were allowed to sign with the SF Big Gay Community after the 2009 season.

“White women were definitely a valuable asset to the team, and it’s always hard to let players go,” said Crisp. “But we had a tough decision to make and I feel like we made the right one.”

Crisp may be right. While losing White Women has had a visible impact on Straight White Men’s win percentage over the last couple of years, it hasn’t damaged their ability to stay at the top of the division, and the compensatory draft picks they were allotted because of his decision have yielded some incredibly promising prospects. Mainly the killer robots.

“Killer robots,” said Crisp. “We got killer robots that we’re training on the moon. They’re programmed to kill everyone but white people.”

But projections are just projections, and we’ll have to wait for call ups to see how Crisp utilizes the killer robots, giving us a clearer picture of what October will look like. That is, of course, assuming that Straight White Men will even see October at all this year.