NYC Fun Mom To Feature Separate Pussy For Poor People

You may have heard about the mixed-income building in NYC that features a separate door in the back for lower income families so that its rich tenants don’t have to cross paths with people that don’t make as much money as them. There’s been a lot of complaints, and not many outside of the developers themselves have found any reason to defend the poor door.

I mean, just how could you justify segregating people like that? Sure we already do it with the entire city – but to do it with specifically one building? That’s too far. That’s a blatant display of the wealth inequality and classicism that plagues our country, instead of a more passive display like relocating the poors to the other side of town where we can conveniently forget about them.

I was as outraged as anybody about the poor door, until I thought about it a little bit more, and I realized, what if it wasn’t a building we were talking about here? What if instead of a building, we were discussing another object: a woman. Should a woman be expected to fuck poor people the same way that she fucks rich people? If we were to demand that, we’d be violating her agency.

And it turns out, guys, that there is a woman just like this building.

A local mom and a free spirit in NYC is instituting a separate pussy policy for her mixed income promiscuity. Her name is me. I’m not letting poor people fuck my regular pussy. It’s only for rich men.

Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have sex with poor people. I do. I have sex with anyone with money – it doesn’t matter if it’s five dollars or five hundred – as long as I can get just a little slice. Just break me off a piece is all I’m asking.

But, if a rich man is taking me out to TGI Fridays before he gets in my pants, why should he have to fuck the same hole as a homeless guy who let me have a bite of the bread he found in the trash behind Panera? The rich man worked harder to fuck me, and therefore shouldn’t be expected to use the same entrance into my body as a homeless man who is being given sex as an act of charity.

That’s why I only let poor people fuck me in the ass.

I know, that seems counterintuitive. Many think it should be the other way around. They say, “hey Nicole, isn’t the asshole tighter and more desirable than the pussy?”

Well, in most cases, yes. But, if you’ve read my work, you know as an artist and a writer, I do not wipe, and also, I’ve made a deliberate effort to loosen my asshole muscles with a steady supply of benzodiazepines and a type of anus-yoga I invented called Buttram Yoga. It involves a lot of heat and extended periods of anus stretching. (I shove a blow-dryer up my ass and leave it on until the circuit breaker trips)

It’s also important to remember that the pussy is where babies come from. What is the benefit to me if I get pregnant by a poor person? Nothing. They can’t even chip in for an abortion. But if some Mazda-driving thousand air knocks me up, I’ve hit the lottery. Guess who is moving into their two bedroom condo and living the life of a queen? Old pregnant Nicole, that’s who.

My body is a temple; but most of the men I fuck are godless, so without faith, my body-temple is really just an odd building with a garish design. If I can make these choices about who may enter it and how, shouldn’t REAL objects be able to do the same thing?