Hey everyone. So, as many of you know, I’m already a famous writer and a famous mom. I’m trying to become an actress, and I’m good at a lot of other things too like singing and dancing. I’m what you might call a jack of all trades, except instead of a jack I’m the thing that means the best at something. I’m a master of all trades. Yup, that’s me: Nicole, the best.
Well, in addition to all my previous skills, there’s one new one that I picked up today. I’m now a radio star!
Last night, the producer of the Walton and Johnson radio show asked me to come on the air to talk about how I breastfeed my son Mason who is just now entering puberty. I like to make him maintain a bit of a mustache because it feels good when I breast feed him.
If you don’t listen to Walton and Johnson; it’s a satirical conservative radio show. It’s kind of like The Daily Show except instead of incisive political commentary the hosts hand-wring over Sharia law and mock homosexuals and black people.
Just my kind of show!!!! I jumped at the opportunity, and this morning I was heard on 12 radio stations, broadcast to millions of adoring listeners who were inspired and humbled by my brave story of motherhood. I think it’s safe to say that I changed some lives today.
This radio show is huge, they’ve had big name guests like Larry the Cable guy and Carlos Mencia, and they could have had anyone on, but they chose to have me. Why? Because I’m important and people value my opinions.
Yup. Chalk this one up as another win for Nicole, and another big “F U” to the haters out there. There may even be some haters that dream of one day becoming radio stars themselves! Well, to them I say tough luck: not only have I beaten you to it, but I’m now “connected” in “the biz” and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you don’t have a career!