Today is International Friendship Day – a day to celebrate your connection to someone close to you by sending them a message, going out to lunch, or simply thinking kind thoughts about them as you go about your day. Friendship is the cornerstone of a happy life, and it’s fitting that it deserves its own day. But, like most thinkpiecers, I don’t take things at face value. Like most thinkpiecers, I’m enacting my power of banality on National Friendship Day, and I’m thinking to myself, “What is wrong with this picture? Ah yes, racism. It’s racist somehow.”
You see, International Friendship Day is another holiday in a long trend of holidays designed to undermine white culture and downplay our pale contributions to the world. Equality is about balance, and if there’s a International Friendship Day, but no International Enemies Day, it’s because we’re slowly embracing a culture that does not respect true equality. It’s because of reverse racism.
Now, that’s not to say that International Friendship Day excludes white people. White people most certainly have friends. But, where white people really excel is in the field of making enemies. It’s part of white culture, and to ignore its significance is to dismiss an entire race of people.
Everyone knows white people love having enemies. It’s what we do. The enemies list was the original listicle, and look at how extremely popular those are nowadays. You really think all those young women huddled over Moleskine notebooks at the coffee shop are writing poetry? No, of course not. They’re plotting. They’re fantasizing about horrible deaths for anyone who has wronged them. They’re jotting down names of people they dislike, and their sole purpose in life is to crush their enemies, see them driven before them, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
White people naturally detest confrontation. That’s why we’re not allowed to say the n-word anymore; or at least, that’s why we pretend we’re not allowed to say it. There’s no law against it. You won’t go to jail for saying it. In reality, we’re totally allowed to say the n-word, we just pretend like we’re not allowed to in an effort to create the illusion of censorship and oppression. The fact is; most white people are still inherently afraid of black people, and the aversion to using the racial slur is based in white people’s racism itself. It’s not that they don’t say the n-word because they don’t want to hurt minorities, they don’t say the n-word because they’re terrified of the big black boogeymen coming to get them if they utter the no-no word.
It’s this rejection of confrontation that creates both white people’s desire to take over the world, their inclination to create enemies, and their tendency to hold lifelong vendettas against specific individuals. Rather than settling their problems face-to-face, white people like to plot, connive, and spend a significant amount of time ensuring that one day, the people that wronged them will rue – whatever the hell ruing is.
Thinking about people who have wronged you, plotting their demise, and subsequently continuing to interact with those people on friendly is one of the most definitively white activities one can engage in, and it’s a part of our heritage that we should embrace.
Let’s petition the government or Facebook or whoever for a change. Let’s get angry and create a list – but not an enemies list – a list of names. A list of people who want to see the creation of an International Enemies Day, and let’s embrace multiculturalism in a way that satisfies the white people that didn’t really want multiculturalism in the first place.