Guys, I found my new favorite TV show. Although, I have to say, I’m a little bit miffed considering I had the idea for a very similar program years ago. I know there’s no way Hamas read my journals and stole my idea, but you always have to wonder when you could have sworn you came up with something and years later, there it is, staring you right in the face. Hell, in 2001 I said to myself, “what if men could fuck flashlights?” and now, here we are.
Anyhow, the show is called Tomorrow’s Pioneers, and I’m almost positive it’s a spiritual successor to the cult hit Wondershowzen from back in the glory days of MTV2.
Blending copyright infringement with jihad, the show aims to educate children on the evils of western values and the criminal Jew, and it accomplishes this goal by using characters that are basically icons of capitalism and the American entertainment industry.
Maybe the man behind the program is incredibly stupid and the show is just a lazy attempt at propaganda – or perhaps its creator is a brilliant satirist that understands the irony of using Mickey Mouse, a product of Disney, one of the largest media corporations in the world (a company whose success has been built mostly by Jews) to go on anti-Semitic rants about capitalism. Could it be possible that the whole thing is just a very clever and subversive mockery of jihad itself, and it’s somehow slipped under Hamas’s nose? I’d like to think so. I’d like to live in that world – a world where people are having their children call Mickey Mouse to talk about destroying western civilization and Mickey Mouse is nodding along while standing in front of a bunch of Winnie the Pooh pictures. Meanwhile the joke is lost on everyone except the guy in the mouse costume and the few people that understand the irony of the situation.
Unfortunately, that’s probably not the case, but that doesn’t mean we can’t see it in that light and enjoy what is quite possibly the funniest thing to ever result from jihad.
The show is hard to find, and it mostly exists as clips on Youtube presented as evidence of Hamas’ brainwashing of Palestinian children. But here’s some choice excerpts.
In this one, Farfour, the Mickey Mouse character, is beaten to death by an Israeli during an interrogation. The Israeli wants documents that for some reason have been entrusted to a giant mouse wearing a bowtie.
After Farfour’s death, Nahoul, his bumblebee cousin, takes over and eventually dies from an illness that cannot be treated due to his family’s inability to seek medical care outside of the Gaza strip.
Then, we meet Nahoul’s brother Assoud. Assoud is furious at the death of his bumblebee brother, and wants to go further than just waging Jihad. He not only wants to kill the Jew, but also to eat them.
Eventually, Assoud is killed by an Israeli airstrike. The rabbit also dies a martyr.
Here’s Mickey Mouse explaining Sharia Law to children callers. Hopefully they’re dialing from Mickey Mouse phones.
While the show is quite horrifying if you really consider how inured to violence and death these children are, and how their entire culture is shaped around a religious war to eradicate all non-believers, the fact that they use Mickey Mouse to do it serves as a poignant reminder that underneath the hatred and the extremism, we’re all just people – these are just children like any other children.
These are children that want to watch a fluffy cartoon mouse with a high voice, and be it Farfour or Mickey, we’re happy to oblige them in exchange for an avenue to exploit them. In a Hamas-led Gaza, the mouse is used to indoctrinate future soldiers of Islam; bred to die a hero’s death, detonating a bomb strapped to their chest in front of a cafe. And here, on the other end of the spectrum, Mickey and his ilk demand brand loyalty – the most willing children accepted into the Mouse Club where they are rewarded with fame and fortune in exchange for finger-fucking sessions on a casting couch – their dignity martyred as they’re transformed into drug-addled former child stars. It doesn’t matter which Mouse you choose, both exist to systematically hurt children, and it’s through that predation that we understand just how much we all have in common. It’s beautiful really.
If anyone has a link to a torrent of the complete series, please drop it in the comments or send me an email. In exchange I will send you a signed drawing of Mickey Mouse using the Warner Brothers logo to fuck the prophet Mohammed in the ass.