PETA President Allowing Poor People To Suck His Dick For Money

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“I’m doing this because I’m a hero,” announced PETA president Martin Firch as he cut open his jorts with a giant pair of scissors, exposing his penis to a homeless man outside of a Detroit Best Buy. “It feels good to help people.”

The homeless man pockets eleven dollars in Sacajawea coins as he parts his beard and holds up his end of the bargain. Firch pushes his head down as the man shows signs of reluctance.

But Firch’s load isn’t the only thing that’s hard for people to swallow, as many are questioning the ethics behind PETA’s motivations in this project. Ostensibly, they’re trying to help disadvantaged and desperate people and they’re doing it in a way that promotes their brand and helps them to cum. But are their actions altruistic or purely exploitative? Shouldn’t PETA just donate money to the needy without hidden conditions or restrictions?

“Those criticisms are baseless,” says Firch as the sorrow in the vagrant’s eyes indicates that Firch has just ejaculated. “These people need the money, and we’re helping to educate them.”

Firch explains that many impoverished people aren’t aware of the nutritional value of his semen. It’s not just an entirely self-serving campaign that allows him to cum into desperate people’s mouths, he’s also making them conform to his beliefs as a man with a perfunctory education in nutrition.

“It’s win-win,” he says, diddling himself on the way to his next beneficiary.

“Our water has been shut off for over a week now,” says a Detroit mother who wished to remain anonymous. “I don’t want to do this, but what am I going to do?”

Firch consoles her as he works up an erection.

“Trust me, I know it might taste weird at first,” he laughs, “but once you get used to it and realize that I’m right, you might be able to enjoy it, and let’s not forget, this is your only option.”

The young mother asks if her children may leave the room, but Firch denies the request.

“It’s important that we educate kids at a young age. They need to know that helping animals is a business, and businesses rely on transactions.”

He places his hand on the back of the woman’s head as he looks over at her daughter.

“Elephants cry too, you know,” he offers through a smile. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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