Every once in a while, we all get down on ourselves. Something happens to trigger a bout with depression and feelings of inadequacy. Your parents forget to call you. A friend puts their problems before yours. You’ve eaten too much that week and you’ve gained some water weight and you look as bloated as a diabetic Korean toddler. Shit happens, we panic, shit gets worse.
As millennials, so much is expected of us, and the cruel reality is that there’s very little we can actually accomplish. We don’t know how to do laundry. We struggle to pay our rent on time. And relationships? Get outta here!
When we get down, it’s important to lift ourselves back up. It’s important to remember that we’re the most important people in the world. So sit down in front of a mirror, appreciate yourself, and follow these simple steps.
1. Remember That Your Friends Aren’t Doing Well Either
Yeah, you’re not where you want to be. But is anybody? Look around you. Look at your former classmates and current colleagues. They’re not doing well, which means they’re not important either. Granted, this doesn’t alleviate the pain but it does help to put things into perspective.
2. Compare Yourself To Celebrities
Alec Baldwin at 23. Meg Ryan at 25. Martha Stewart at 28. Where were they? Were they successful yet? If not, it means that you’ll be as successful as all of them when you’re their current age. Except instead of being like Alec or Meg or Martha, you’ll be even better, because you’re more important than all three combined.
3. Remind Yourself That It’s Not Your Fault
If you didn’t get that promotion – it’s probably not because someone else deserved it. It’s probably not because you’re not the best candidate for the job. Really, the company might be struggling, or someone might have snuck into your position through entitlement programs. Remember, don’t get down on yourself! It’s someone else’s fault.
4. Downplay the Successes of Others
Okay, so maybe someone else did get that promotion and you can’t dismiss it as either nepotism or some kind of affirmative action thing. But, are they fat? Are they older than you? Are they ugly? How fat are they? Can you tell other people in the office how fat they are? Slip it into conversation, see if people react. Others might dislike them as much as you do.
5. Remember That People Are After You
Anyone that doesn’t like you is personally trying to fuck up your life. You need to recognize these people and figure out ways to get the other hand. That girl that got that promotion? She did it to hurt you. She knew how much it meant, and she’s younger than you and hasn’t paid her dues yet. Find out who she is; find out about her personal life.
6. Make A Fake Facebook Page
It’s easy to get wrapped up in our own head sometimes. The best thing to do when we’re spiraling out of control is to just get away for a while. Now, for a lot of us, a physical vacation might not be possible, but a mental vacation – creating a fake Facebook page for an alternate identity – is an excellent way to exist ~objectively~ for a little while. Pretend to be someone else. Find that girl that got promoted and get some dirt on her. Send her insults from your anonymous account until she’s scared and you feel avenged.
7. Pinch Your Infant Sister
She’s a baby. She won’t remember it, and she’s just another reason your parent’s aren’t focusing on you as much as you used to. Sometimes, a little pinch – just enough to make her cry – can actually help the two of you bond. It feels good to hurt a baby, and it won’t leave any sort of permanent mark. And you can be sure she’ll remember you. At least someone will remember you.