1. DO NOT — I repeat — DO NOT fall in love.
It is easy, so easy, natural in fact, to fall in love with someone you have just experienced an intimate moment with. With all of the affairs I have had, I usually wait one full week before I reach out after a night together, to allow myself time and space to get over the STRONG feelings I have for them the next morning.
Remind yourself that he is going home to sleep next to someone else, and you are free to do that too.
2. Be Smart.
Especially if you are in a relationship. Save no pictures, delete all texts! Set guidelines and rules. I know never to contact my affairs during weekends or past 7PM. I know I am listed under a different name in their phones, as are they in mine.
Always have an alias ready, just incase someone he knows runs into you. I have a full name, a backstory and will always excuse myself to go “meet my husband” around the corner, waiting patiently for his return, in case of such event.
3. Play the Part.
A mistress is young, flirty, fun, hot inside the bedroom and outside of it. There is a reason they are with you and not their wives at that particular moment. Usually they tell you what the exact reason is that they are with you, as opposed to their wives.
I almost always hear that the wife has cut off sex for one reason or another. This is the fun part of the affair! You know that vixen or sex goddess you always wished you were? Now is the time to be her! Ever have a position you saw and wanted to try, but were afraid to ask? Now is the time to ask! You are each other’s personal porn stars in a relationship that is based on having hot sex and limited feelings involved.
4. Protect Your Heart.
I have a strict rule that even if something good or interesting is happening in their home life, I do not want to know about it. Learning more about the wife, only makes her more human and makes you feel worse for what you are doing.
Remember, despite what he tells you, he is going home to her eventually.
5. NEVER Threaten to Tell His Wife What is Going On.
I have been in a relationship where my partner told his wife what we were doing. All that ensued was a messy situation, including being followed late at night, being confronted in a parking lot and being reminded that his wife is in fact real, and human, ensuing a messy breakup. My one partner always says that “what someone doesn’t know, won’t hurt them” and even my therapist agrees that there is never a reason a partner needs to know he or she has been cheated on. Never!