For The Girl Who Loves Him Next

You are the luckiest girl in the world, I promise you this.

You’ll realize that almost instantly. He’s been through an incredible amount in his life, and he came out strong because of it. He deserves happiness. He deserves love.

The stories of his past will always leave you wanting to hear more — more about his childhood, his friends, his family, the fights that he got into, even the girls that he was with before you. And he has no problem telling you, he’s basically an open book.

Listen intently, hang onto his every word.

Sometimes you might think that he’s lying, but growing up in Northeast Philly is a very different world. And it made him into a very special person. Be open in return with him. Share with him your fears and dreams. Tell him about your nightmares, I promise he’ll always be there to comfort you through them.

As much as you’ll want him to, he won’t open up easily about what he wants for the future, specifically with you.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, as I did many times. It took me almost our entire relationship to realize that he truly just wants to live in the moment and not worry about the future. We were so different in that aspect, so please try to embrace that about him. It’s something that I wasn’t able to change, and now I realize that I honestly wasn’t able to accept that. Try not to be pushy. If he chooses you, he thinks the world of you. Let that be enough for now.

There will be times you’ll think that he doesn’t care about you. But please please please never doubt that he does. This man would give anything just to make sure you’re happy. Sometimes his responses are not what you’re expecting, but that’s unintentional. He usually smirks and doesn’t smile big very often, but that’s just him. Trust me, he cares.

He will stare at you in awe as you watch your favorite show. He will giggle while you laugh at the TV and do nothing but smile as he looks at you. When you ask why he’s looking at you, he will either shake his head while keeping his smile, tell you there’s no reason, or tell you how cute you are. In these moments you will feel like you’re on top of the world. Keep this feeling with you always.

He loves music! Any kind of music. And if he confidently knows every word to the song that’s playing, he will scream the lyrics at the top of his lungs, especially in the car. In these moments, you’ll just giggle uncontrollably and want him to sing forever. If you tell him that you like a song, you better believe he will make a mental note of it and surprise you shortly after with a CD of all the songs that makes him think of you. You have to realize how special and personal that gift is. Cherish the shit out of those CD’s. Really listen to the lyrics of the songs that you don’t know. That’s how you’ll learn just how deeply he cares for you.

He will make an honest effort, and you need to do the same.

Obviously you will have arguments. Sure at first you might both say sorry just to end the fight. The day that he doesn’t simply back down is the day you know you’ve got him. He won’t say sorry when he knows he did nothing wrong. He will want to talk about it. Be open with him, tell him what’s on your mind and why. He will try to rationalize it. He will also try to change your point of view. Don’t let him if you don’t want to. But please give him the honesty that he deserves, because he will be nothing but honest with you. He will tell you if you screwed up, but don’t take it to heart. He is really just looking out for you and your well-being.

He doesn’t need much reassurance, but it’s your job to reassure that you love him. Make him feel wanted, make him feel safe. Not just safe in your relationship, but safe in general. I always told him how safe I felt with him, given his past and experiences and his undying love for me. I will never forget the first time he told me that I made him feel safe. I kind of blew it off and was a tad confused because I knew he didn’t mean in our relationship, he meant in life.

How could this tougher-than-nails guy possibly feel safe with me? He told me that given everything that he’d been through in his life, being next to me made him feel safe. My heart skipped a beat, and those are the moments that I lived for with him. Give him this same feeling. Even when he looks and acts tough, he still needs you there.

He hates being on his phone but he will text you as much as possible if you aren’t able to see him as much as you’d like. I made him download Snapchat, he hated it. He probably still does. But he always took screen shots of all of my snaps to him, and always replied by telling me how beautiful I was. When he does this with you, understand that he whole-heartedly thinks you are gorgeous. It takes a lot for him to get into a relationship, so you must be pretty damn special.

He will fight for you, but he can’t be the only one fighting.

Don’t let things become routine as I eventually did. Losing him was not something that I thought was going to happen. I planned my future with him and around him (silently of course). As we got further into our relationship, I stopped making him feel loved and wanted. It became a constant battle between us and I think he was the only one fighting in the end.

That breaks my heart to this day. This man was my entire world, and I failed to make him see that and it all came crashing down. I failed as a girlfriend, and now I have to pay the consequences. I feel empty and I know that I’ll never be the same.

After all this time, he is still everything to me so you have to treat him well and give him the respect he deserves. He deserves a happy ending, and I want nothing less than that for him. He’s the best man that you’ll ever know.

Please don’t hurt him.