Dear Broken Hearted Girl,
You owe yourself an apology tonight. So if you will, please look at yourself in the mirror and tell her you are sorry. Tell her you’re sorry for the nights you kept drifting in and out of sleep in search of a man that didn’t want you. Tell her you’re sorry for letting him find his way into your soul; tell her you’re sorry you let him in on the first knock. Tell her you are sorry. Tell her you didn’t mean to make her feel unwanted, unloved. Tell her you are sorry because you didn’t love her enough to walk away from a man that didn’t love you.
“But I have never felt the need to apologize to myself because I have always been apologizing to him.”
But why? Why are you apologizing for loving someone fiercely? Why are you apologizing for loving someone deeply; why do you have to apologize for loving someone with all of your heart and your soul? Why are you apologizing for loving someone in the exact same way you desire to be loved?
I wish you could see that you deserve to be loved too.
You deserve someone who will spend hours with you on the phone. You deserve someone whose heart will skip a beat when they hear your voice. You deserve someone who doesn’t just surprises you with flowers but someone who will be there in person when you need them to be. You deserve to be listened to when something is bothering you. You deserve the attention, all of the goddamn attention you’ve been giving that one person who doesn’t want you.
Darling, don’t you see what you deserve?
You don’t deserve to be left on read three times in a row and elevator music on phone calls. You don’t deserve to be kept at the back of someone’s garage like an old bicycle. My dear, you are a girl, not some worthless junk he can set aside and then come scrambling back when he needs you.
I know you love him, I know you really do.
But does he love you as much as you love him? You are allowing him to use your love towards him against you. You are letting him turn the tables and use your own dagger on you, and you are content with that. I know that you don’t want better because you love him. I know you don’t want to lose him. I know you are not ready to be ‘just friends’ or rather you don’t want to be. But how long, how long do you think you can go on? You know, they say eyes does the most talking and yours tell me you are way too soft, too sweet, and too kind to be this broken.
“But maybe he is confused. Maybe he still loves me but he doesn’t feel he’s ready.”
Oh, sweetheart. You owe it to yourself to stop living in a world of ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes.’ You don’t deserve a confused man who is unsure of his love for you. I know you think his love is enough; even when it is a little broken or scarred you think it will be enough. But it won’t. It won’t be enough for you when you are going through more than just heartbreak. It won’t be enough when you have friends who leave, families that break, and work to stress out on. It won’t be enough when your man, your safety net, isn’t that one person who you can wake up to and think everything else is worth fighting for because you are sure he loves you. So tell me; are you sure you want to hold the hand of someone who can’t even tell you if he loves you?
Sweetheart, never ever beg for someone to love you.
Because. Because. Because. Because if you have to then, darling it isn’t love.
I know the broken hearted you won’t want someone else but please believe me when I say someone will walk into your life. Please believe me when I say he will do things a little differently with you because he will. And please, please believe me when I say he will love you so much because this will be when you will see that this is the kind of love you deserve.
So until the right person comes along, please love yourself a little more. Love yourself a little more before he comes along to love you.
You deserve so much more than a guy who leaves you on read.