I had never really understood the concept of turning over a new leaf, starting on a new page. However, as this new year starts, I can finally say that I get it. I felt today for the first time as if I could truly start over, and as if I could be the person that I want to be… This is my idealist part talking.
The one that struggles everyday to stay alive while having to face the bigger, more rational part in me. My life hasn´t been easy, it has had downfalls and heartbreaks as everyone elses. If you were to look at my life, you would discover that it has been quite ordinary, no real major problems or challenges in order for you to say “Damn, she’s had it tough.” But, in my humble opinion, that doesn’t matter. Everyone faces different challenges, and it’s not a matter of which are worse, because everyone faces them differently. For someone that had an honest to God horrible childhood, many adversities in life are going to be insignificant.
On the other hand, if you’ve never experienced something truly awful then that same problem may seem your worse yet.
The fact that to someone it is an irrelevant event doesn’t make it any less relevant to you. So I ‘m not here to let you judge if my life has actually been hard or not, to me it has been. Due to this, when I felt I at last had the chance to be who I wanted to, that romantic childish part of me came alive, clinging to the ray of hope that was unexpectedly presented to me. But as I mentioned before, my cynic part is stronger.
You can’t just become who you’ve dreamed as if it was magic, because the fact is, that you are who you are today because of everything you’ve gone through, and this present you is your starting point, assuming you want a change.
I want to believe that in this new year I am going to be stronger, braver, that I’ll finally stop complaining and I’ll pursue my dreams with everything I have. But I know better. If you are the kind of person that can achieve this kind of things just by wishing and wanting them then, I envy you, because I’m definitely not like that.
And I believe I am not alone.
This is why instead of keep waiting for a miracle to happen and for me to suddenly become the person I want to be I am going to take action for once in my life. I’ve never been a fan of New Year’s resolutions, I‘ve always thought that they only exist to put pressure on you and create disappointment on yourself when you don’t accomplish most of them. I have never had the habit of doing a list, actually I can’t remember a single time when I’ve done one, but people say it’s never too late to start and try something new.
So this year I am doing a list, and I invite you to do one too.
Let’s all do a list, a new kind of New Year’s resolutions. Don’t make this your bucket list, don’t just add random thing you want to accomplish. First, think of who you want to be. If you don’t know, that’s okay too.
Instead of thinking who would be your perfect self, think about the things YOU don’t like about yourself, stuff you’ll change if you could. I am not talking about physical stuff, dig deeper! You are to make this list based on your opinions and your thoughts, not on what others may think about you.
I’ll tell you a secret. As long as you are proud of who you are, then you can take whatever criticism that may come your way, because you’ll regret nothing. So this list is supposed to help you do that… Become someone that you would be proud to be. You can choose a role model to base upon or just imagine traits you would love for others to see in you.
Whatever it is you want to accomplish, think of how you would get there. What are the little and achievable steps you would need. Write them down, and there you go, you have your list.