Five Things They Lie To You About In High School

1. Drugs. Seriously, they’re not that bad. Recreational drugs have been around since the beginning of time and in this day and age when our BFF is our phone, it’s probably one of most social, human things we’re still doing as a society. It’s still a wise move to stay away from anything involving a needle to the arm, but if you and your pals enjoy some shrooms at Bonnaroo, no one’s gonna give you the electric chair. But there is a difference between use and abuse, and that definitely includes prescriptions. Smoke a couple bowls here and there – no one cares!

2. Getting pregnant. In high school, they tell you that every single time you have sex, even when you’re on the pill and the Nuva Ring and your boyfriend is wearing five condoms, you’re 100% going to get pregnant with triplets. It’s not that easy! Pay attention in Sex Ed when they talk about ovulation, figure out you or your girl’s cycle, and behave accordingly. Still use a condom, ya dumb-dumbs, but relax a little about doing it from the back because Julie told you that’s how she got pregnant. And you didn’t hear it from us, but pulling out has kept us baby-free since ’83 (JK).

3. Acne. For some of you, your skin in high school might be the clearest skin of your life. This may come as a shock but what those adult a-holes in high school don’t tell you is that your skin can completely freak out on you in college and even well into adulthood. Changes in hormones and every day stress can really take a toll on your body. Instead of the innocent red hue covering the bottom of your cheeks, you start noticing this “cystic acne” that looks like boils on your chin. As for what to do about it? Your dermatologist (who you never even saw in high school!) says you’re just “at that age.” It’s totally a crock, but be glad you know this now. Knowledge is power.

4. Your “permanent record.” Never seen the thing in my life.

5. “The best four years of your life.” Puh-leaze! What kind of “life” is going to six hours of classes all day? Wearing braces? Doing homework? Sneaking booze? Asking permission to urinate? Real life starts after high school, when you’re free to stay out past 2am, wake up in a strangers bed and still expect a paycheck the following week. You can do anything and you don’t have to tell anyone! You can be whoever you want to be and no reputation can hold you down. Listen, you could have been the biggest dweeb in your school but when you and your financial advisor want to talk about diversifying your portfolio, you’re not going to be eating your pudding cup alone in the cafeteria anymore. Throw that graduation cap high and never look back. TC mark

image – Cassandra W


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  • name.

    this is awful, and sort of ridiculous advice, but the sentiment is a good one, i suppose.

  • ScottyDeeee

    Dece article, but I'm going to table a motion to ban “Puh-leaze!” from the internet lexicon. Those in favour, say “aye”.

    • Jade Mitchell

      Puh-leaze, get over yourself.

  • Kate

    love this.

  • dorothytortoise

    I feel like this is going to cause a few babies guys.. 

  • VicB0610

    The part about the acne is the story of my life right now. Clear all through high school and once I got into college? BAM. Cystic acne on my chin, I'm glad this can happen to others and I'm not  alone.

  • Nicholas Cox

    I don't think anyone in their right mind has ever called high school “the best four years of your life”—that's college. Otherwise this is right on target.

    • Greg

      you must not keep in touch with many of your high school friends

    • christopher lynsey

      High school is awesome.

  • jizzmonkey

    hahaha love this

  • Nicejob

    Funny and mostly true. Only thing I object to is the part about sex ed. They were pretty real with us in high school, but that just might be because I went to public school in a liberal area.

  • Ameltoid

    Dudette, don't advocate pulling out!!! Are you serious?!

    • thatwhitebitch

      I am not serious.

      • Ameltoid

        Oh. Well. That's good then.

      • JakobJAustin


    • the eff i is

      you are dumb too. go back up and read what he said.  evaluate in your tiny brain.

      • tatties

        whoops 'she'. i guess i'm dumb too :(

      • Ameltoid


  • James

    1. You don't need drugs to feel human; go for a hike in the woods… or see number two. 2. Two options are valid: condom or pills (and similar prescriptions) 3. Sure. 4. So true, only felonies are permanent 5. College is.

    • Greg

      the best years of my life are every year….shit's tough, but even after college i'm still ballin'…just sayin

    • Jennifer Cassandra Albina

      I totally agree with you on number 1!

  • Tanzila Anis

    eh?!? everything apart from  the acne sounds like stupid advice… specially the sex… really… instead of protected sex, which is important not just because it prevents pregnancy, but also because it prevents STDs, you are advicing pulling out!! what a moron!

    • RAH

      I don't think this is advice.  It's satire for adults.

      • Perfect Circles

        Adults don't read Thought Catalog.

      • Tanzila Anis

        doesn't sound very satirical… bad piece of satire.

    • Lo

      I quickly learned that getting pregnant wasn't as easy as they told me in high school. My herpes, however, is another story. :-/

    • abbbbbbby

      haha you are dumb. gtfo

      • Tanzila Anis

        and you are very smart. with that nicely worded insult. you forgot the CR before the ABBBBBY making you crabby. and if you weren't dumb you would already know what i am talking about!

  • Alex Thayer

    looking back at #5, it seems almost surreal that any sane person could ever possibly say that about high school.  high school sucks.  there aren't any real hipsters, you can't go to bars, your social circle is limited to basically only people in your school, no one is mature, and the iphone hadn't been invented.

    sounds fucking terrible to me.

    • inflammatorywrit

      Since when has the lack of hipsters made something suck?

      • Alex Thayer

        since when have hipsters not made everything more entertaining?  huh?

      • inflammatorywrit

        Everyday of my life.

      • Jon

        Agreed Hipsters are annoying

      • Alex Thayer

        nice joanna reference bro

      • inflammatorywrit

        Thanks, brah.

  • Mos Stef

    So this is totally helpful for kids in abstinence-only sex ed schools.

  • Ilostmyscarf

    whoa… that pic is my old high school. the extent of our sex ed was an explanation of how to use tampons and the somewhat incompetent gym teacher planning her wedding during class/finding ways to make the massive rock her fiance gave her really obvious in case we hadn't noticed it the first 40 times she flaunted it.

  • Wolfsenshi

    Everything is true here. Drugs are awesome in moderation, sex is epic and babies are rare if you're smart, my skin looks worse than it did in high school, don't know what a permanent record is, high school was four of the worst years of my life but I still enjoyed it more than college. However, life after any education is the best time of your life.

  • Jeff Darcy

    I think I'll agree that college is better than high school . . . for those who get to go.  Other than that, though, bitching about a whole *six* hours a day?  That you can practically sleep-walk through?  With little to no responsibility after 3pm?  At my high school even the best students used American History as nap time, and I never once had to do homework at home – I could always do it at lunch, in other classes, or waiting for the bus.  Compare that to an *eight* hour a day job (or two) that actually requires your attention, or a career-oriented job that you have to take home with you every single night, or owning your own home or having kids or . . . you get the idea.

    That's why people say they're the best years of your life.  For many people they really are.  If that's not the case for you, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS because you're one of the lucky ones.

    P.S. My life's fine, thank you, but I went through a sucky-job stage when I was younger.  It was way worse than high school and I know some people didn't get out like I did.

  • mememe

    They still lie to me in college about the pregnancy thing.  Lady made me take plan B even though there had barely been any penetration and he was wearing a condom.  It was funny afterwards, though.

  • Marianna Elvira

    lol #4, so true. I worked in the office this year, and I got to see people's folders but still no permanent record to be found! it's all just piled together in a file.

  • A.

    High school is bullshit.

  • Eria

    im sure this article is trying to “bad influence” us.  : ((

  • Jennifer Cassandra Albina

    Sooo, it sounds like you're saying drugs are a normal part of college and that it's no biggie to do drugs…yeah ok.
    How about saying it more like, people do drugs in college, but you don't need to do them to fit in or succumb to pressure to try them. Like pot, a lot of people smoke it, doesn't mean you have to. Drugs do NOT equal fun. I think having fun sober means more than having fun under the influence because if you're having fun sober it means that whatever going on is worth it!

    • ryan chang

      i felt like she was saying high school officials say drugs = delinquency, drugs = being a bad person, though in reality, you're only delinquent by default (law), and if you choose to do stupid things once high.

    • Carl Paladino


      “having fun sober means more than having fun under the influence because if you're having fun sober it means that whatever going on is worth it!”

      That sounds like a “thought” someone on drugs would have.

  • hghhb88
  • Carl Paladino

    Oh. I just read more comments. Is everyone here in high school? Are you in high school? 

    Yes, drugs are bad.

  • Yay

    Thought Catalog is full of writers who are:
    1. Bitter that they were “losers” in high school when in reality they were just…normal.
    2. Caught up with the whole college thing and how awesome it is.

  • victoria trott

    ‘When observing mucus, ask the question – “Could a sperm swin through this type of mucus?”‘

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