Thought Catalog

A Madlibs Bio of Every Yoga Instructor I Have Ever Had

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[FIRST NAME] began practicing yoga in this lifetime in 2008. She began teaching in 2010, concurrently with her expulsion for [NAME OF DRUG] use at [UNIVERSITY NAME], a small liberal arts college located in New England. [FIRST NAME] has completed nearly 500 hours of teacher training — proving to her parents that she does not, in fact, have [NAME OF ATTENTION/LEARNING DISABILITY]. Her practice includes various styles of asana including ashtanga, bhakti flow, hatha, pilates and the vaguely-defined “fitness” — required for employment in any Gold’s Gym nationwide.

In 2009 [FIRST NAME] spent [NUMBER GREATER THAN 3 LESS THAN 18] months at the source of yoga; living and studying in [NAME OF ANY CITY/TOWN/VILLAGE], India. In India, [FIRST NAME] met Indira Pattabhi Patel who was to become her guru.

When not practicing yoga, [FIRST NAME] enjoys shopping for spandex, pausing too long between sentences and being an angry [VEGETARIAN/VEGAN/RAW FOOD EATER/PICKY PERSON].

[FIRST NAME] hopes to retire from yoga soon, start a family and become a massage therapist.

Namaste. TC mark

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    • Anonymous

    • http://twitter.com/ColeHaber Nicole Haber

      agreed.

    • Jillrhaber

      I feel like you’re better suited for the spastic- quality of a zumba class

    • Jillrhaber

      different for a hot yoga instructor i believe. they must come from (enter small liberal arts college in hell)

      • http://twitter.com/ColeHaber Nicole Haber

        hahahah zing

    • Banana Spinach

      “And now, a reading from [non-ironically selected children’s author] to close our Practice.”

    • Indira

      nice, i have a guru’s name.

    • l.forsythe

      based on this post and previous comments you have made about your gym experiences, i feel that working out/doing yoga are reason #5 or lower for why you actually go to the gym/yoga.

    • http://twitter.com/TRussellinDC Trish

      ha! shopping for the right spandex can be a time consuming hobby

    • Jake

      I’d be interested in reading a series of serious Madlibs, one that would make me feel somewhat pessimistic or say to myself “that’s fucked” or “so true”

      • http://twitter.com/ColeHaber Nicole Haber

         on what topics?

    • http://cuckoolemon.com/2014/07/29/cuckoolemon-on-thought-catalog/ Cuckoolemon on Thought Catalog | Cuckoolemon

      […] case you missed it a little while ago I wrote a piece called “A Madlibs Bio of Every Yoga Instructor I Have Ever Had” that was posted on Thought Catalog. Check it out and let me know what you think! […]

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