Having limited duration.
Not needed for long.
I’ve grown to really dislike this word. Currently, it’s used to define most things in my life. It feels that way, anyway. There are many versions of this word (for now, momentary, brief). But isn’t everything temporary? Isn’t everything “for now”? Life itself is temporary.
We are born and then we die. Life isn’t forever, and the people in it aren’t either. People come and go, this is a normal cycle; never ending. Better get used to it. I’ve had friends that have grown apart from me. I’ve had boyfriends move away. I’ve had loved ones die. And no matter how much hurt these things have caused me, I find beauty in the undeniable love I had, and still have, for each human being who has packed their bags and left my fragile heart. I find the loveliness in how one person can make such a huge difference in another’s life.
Even if it was just for a little while. Everyone had their reasons to jump out of my life, maybe I was just one of many train stops on their ride of life. Maybe I was too controlling, maybe I drank too much, maybe I wasn’t the best influence, and maybe it was just the wrong time. Or is it just because of the simple fact that everything is temporary? Your job is temporary. Your cheap, run down apartment is temporary. Your car is temporary. Everything will rearrange. Everything will be replaced. You will be replaced.
Don’t let this scare you, because really, there’s nothing to be scared of. You’ll find that you’re not always going to be the right fit for the job, for the boy, or even for a city that you always imagined living in. And not being the right fit may seem like a punch to your tender gut, but it’s so much more of a positive thing than it sounds. When you don’t posses the qualities one is looking for, you slowly learn what qualities YOU are looking for.
You grow, you find yourself through rejection. Rejection hurts. Dammit, it hurts so badly. But you will live, for now. It’s okay to cry, for now. Cry those fucking tears. Scream if you need to. How else are you going to recognize you’re broken? But once the tears are dry and after everyone in your apartment complex has heard your screams, get up off the floor and pull yourself together. How are you ever going to help someone else up off the floor if you can’t get yourself off that dirty, cold surface? Be strong for the future person who is waiting for you. Remember, the wait is temporary as well. All good things are temporary. And all bad things are temporary.
Hell, even the Sun, he who supposedly brings good things, is temporary day to day. And just because it’s sunny outside doesn’t mean bad things can’t happen. Day light doesn’t automatically fix things. Bad things don’t always wait till after dark. But the dark also ends. So you can take that as you will. And you think that having a couple drinks will magically make the pain disappear, and it does. Alcohol does a hell of a job, but only momentarily. You’ll wake up with a hangover and the same broken heart that you had the night before.
But maybe this is okay. I guess killing the sadness by ruining your liver is worth it, even if it is only for a brief moment. So if our lives are so temporary and everything is going to come to inevitable end, then what the fuck are we waiting for? I ask myself this everyday. “What am I waiting for?” It’s like we all think that our lives will magically become everything we ever wanted, but no one is willing to believe in magic. This whole concept of temporary doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
While writing this, I’ve learned temporary might actually become something I’m grateful for. I’m grateful for the way every season is temporary. I wouldn’t want to live in a world where we only had the shivering cold, and I wouldn’t want to live in a world where we only have the scorching hot. I’m grateful for the temporary books I have. God, I couldn’t live in a world without new books to read and new things to learn. I appreciate death. I don’t want to be stuck here forever, and neither do you.
I couldn’t imagine a life in which I wasn’t able to ask, “What’s next?” “Temporary” allows me to ask this question day to day. Always growing, always learning. Temporary is never ending. 10 years from now you’re going to wake up and you’re either going to think, “Damn, I can’t believe I actually made it this far.” Or, “Where did my life go? Where did I go wrong?” Don’t blame your mistakes, or achievements on temporary factors, blame this on yourself.
Maybe everything is temporary, but things are only as temporary as you make them. You weren’t put on this earth to be permanent. If you were, you would have life figured out by now, wouldn’t you? You’d have your permanent job, house, car, and significant other. And that’s your life. That’s all you get. No experience, nothing new. No change. Who wants that? Where’s the growth? Where’s the adventure? The answer to becoming okay with the word temporary is to find peace between the changes. Maybe your heart is broken for now, but not forever honey, not forever.