You know the story we’ve all grown up to believe and aspire to have one day from the movies we’ve watched or a book we’ve read, boy meets girl, girls meets boy, they fall in love in a matter of an hour or two and instantly have their happily ever after. As great as that sounds, you and I both know that isn’t how it necessarily works in the real world. I sincerely wanted to write this article on the realities of a real relationship because, in my current one, there has been so many ups and downs we’ve been through that I wasn’t aware of until it happened, so I figured I’ll save some of you the trouble and tell you exactly what it’s like to be in a perfectly imperfect relationship.
1. Both of you were raised differently
This alone is a dead indicator that there is bound to be some petty arguments over the smallest things like closing the toilet seat or leaving it out in the open, salted or unsalted omelettes, or taking more care of the $500 laptop you just bought instead of treating it like something that’ll survive the apocalypse one day. Maybe his parents weren’t as strict as yours, and maybe yours weren’t as liberal as his. Just saying, he/she may love you to death but the imprint your parents create through your life will never leave you, no matter how many times you try to ignore your mom’s voice in your head saying ”I told you so.”
2. They led their own life, with their own rules, before they met you
You know that mess you always tell him to clean up every time you go to his place for the weekend? Yeah, that will probably take six months to a year to get rid of. Before he met your lovely goddess self, he was single or didn’t exactly know what he wanted, which ultimately leads to doing whatever the heck he wanted. Also meaning, having an ”I’ll do it later attitude.” Have patience, pretty girl. He loves you, just not the cleaning part.
3. It’s not supposed to be perfect
I’ve actually been learning this a lot lately. The moments that have made me fallen more in love in my current relationship were never the ones I thought that would, they’re the tiniest things that quiet my anxiety, comfort my worry, and fearlessly love him with all my being. It’s the moments when we argue and fight then patch everything up like the words we said didn’t even matter. If your relationship was meant to be perfect, then I think it wouldn’t feel as rewarding or strong as the ones who come out of every storm still holding hands and still look at each other like none of it happened.
4. They can’t read your mind, you have to tell them what’s on it
Oh communication, the very thing that always seems to tear apart even the good ones. I admit I’m guilty of this too, where we automatically think that because they love us or known us for a while that we don’t even need to say the things we expect them to know from a drop of a hat. Well, the truth is, they probably forgot you wanted them to pick up some milk from the store because you ran out yesterday or the infamous cold shoulder us females always seem to resort to. He pissed you off yesterday? Tell him! He’s a dude, confrontations are their life. Like my boyfriend says, ”I’d rather you tell me now than later.”
5. Unresolved relationship baggage
You have to remember that before you two got together, he was with other girls, like you were with other guys, and even though both of you are great for each other that doesn’t change the fact that other people have hurt both of you. There will be moments in your relationship when he’s going to mess up and it will take you back to a memory that will send chills down your spine because you thought It was happening again. Try your best to tell yourself, that part of your life is gone. You only met the wrong ones to meet the right one.
6. One or both of you don’t really know what it’s like being in a serious relationship
It’s either the first serious relationship for both of you or one of you and that may be the cause of why you just can’t seem to get it right the first time, or second. You didn’t see half of the things both of you had to deal with coming, you’ve probably included your whole family whenever it came to the arguments neither of you could solve without their help, and most likely found yourself as closed off as you did not anticipate whatsoever. Again with the patience department, pretty girl, figure it out as both of you go, that’s what he’s there for.
7. Unresolved personal baggage
Oh, those inner demons we all have. This one is similar to past relationship baggage, however, this one is slightly more intense because it stems from your earliest interactions with another person aka your parents, your friends, and even that kid who used to bully you during recess. Every emotion you’ve repressed from every negative interaction from your childhood to now will indefinitely affect the way your relationship turns out, that’s why it’s so important to resolve as much issues you have with yourself before you do that with anyone else.
8. One or both of you are not used to having it NOT your way
Control, individuality, mental, and emotional freedom, three of the many benefits from the single life. Well, sayonara you’ve met your dream girl/guy, time to compromise and never have anything go your way; half the time, but you know it’s for the better. It’s another thing I’ve been learning, that it’s actually okay when things don’t go the way you want them to. It is a bummer when you go from having things work out the way you want them to, to constantly having to compromise with someone else to overcome the problem when you could’ve solved it yourself. Learn to lose that pride and ego because real love is selfless.
9. Both of you aren’t perfect
I mean it’s pretty self explanatory if you think about it, how can a relationship be perfect if both individuals aren’t right? And yet that’s the very question all of us tend to forget, constantly. Mistakes are supposed to happen, they’re supposed to mess up, forget, look like they don’t care but actually do, and guess what? It’s all going to be just fine.
10. You’re human and so is he
You know how impatient you get when he says the same things over and over again during a conversation and you feel like you just want him to shut up for once but then you beat yourself up for it later because you felt like you were too mean? Brush it off, girlfriend. We’ve got all those days when all he does is piss us off. The truth is you’re human and all of us are made to feel every single emotion that exists in our bodies, express it as crazy as it gets, and understand it thoroughly and completely unconditionally.
So now you see the so-called ”work” everyone talks about when getting into this beautiful thing called a relationship. Please don’t be scared as you might already be, instead have faith in yourself and the person you’re meant to be with in the end. I was actually talking to my sister about this a week ago and I told her, the amount of exhaustion you feel towards the effort you put in the wrong relationship is actually the same level as you put in the right one, the only difference between the two is that the other one is always going to be worth it.