Last year, during this time today, I was stuck with a guy who kept giving me false hope of ever getting into a relationship. Two years ago, I was having a hard time ending it with someone else because I wanted to convince myself that this one had to be the one. Four years ago, I just finished getting over my first love for a year because it was a break up I’ve never had before and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
“I’m not ready for a relationship” was starting to be that annoying song I couldn’t get out of my head. Those six brutal words I dreaded every time I felt it coming. Sometimes I honestly thought that those words were also said by guys who didn’t have the guts to say to my face that they never liked me from the beginning. It got me down for a while; I’m not going to lie because it makes you think what the hell is wrong with you? What is so bad about you that every guy that you come across isn’t so called “ready for a relationship”?
But then you came along and got me all scared with every move you make because I swear it’s too good to be true. From the very beginning, we clicked instantly, but that didn’t mean anything to me, I’ve clicked with a couple guys before too. But then we began having similarity after similarity even to the smallest precise of information from our past lives. Believe me, it was creepy at first because I thought you probably secretly stalked me before meeting me and I figured that’s how you knew that I loved tofu and coconut. But of course not.
You took me stargazing on my birthday; do you know how long I have been waiting to go stare at stars with a guy in his car just talking about life while knowing how into each other you are? We’ve eaten beside a stadium dome, last year I could only dream of doing that. We’ve done groceries together; all throughout last year I remember thinking constantly how sweet it was when husbands or boyfriends went with their wives or girlfriends grocery shopping and how nice it would be if I got to experience that. We’ve been on a picnic, I’ve seen you dance-alright, I’ve jumped on your bed trying to wake u up so you could drop me off before midnight so my dad wouldn’t make it too much of a big deal, you’ve seen my ugly cute faces, my tipsy next to drunk nights from only a couple drinks because I’m such a lightweight, and lastly you’ve seen the absolute worst side of me that usually gets the most complaints of being too bossy, or bitchy, or needy, or just straight out a horrible person. But yet, here you are telling me that you can handle it, you don’t mind if I yell as long as it has a purpose, you understand when I get frustrated because you say it’s a fault on your part.
You my love are the most incredible person I have ever come across in my life.
I honestly do not know what the future holds because I get scared of doing that again but you keep saying you want it with me, so I guess we’re going to be pretty stable for a while which makes me happy. I love your heart and the way it cares for the current issues happening in our world today, I love your affection and the way it comforts me the most on the days I want to shut out the world, and I love who you are as you are because even though I can never get you to stop talking, I wouldn’t have it any other way.