To The Girl You Chose Over Me

A macro view of a wine glass with white wine in it in Larrys
Jp Valery / Unsplash

For six years of my life, I loved him. For six years I sacrificed my family, my friends, and even myself, for him. He had his flaws and his mistakes but I still believed there was good in him. He was my best friend in high school, my lover in life, and my most treasured puzzle piece to the puzzle I always thought there was a missing piece from. Or so I thought.

I’m happy for the both of you.

I don’t think I lost him because he wanted you more than me; I lost him because I trusted him and forgave him more times than I expected. After all of his cheating history, I gave him more chances than I should have in the first place. I remember the days after thinking how I should have ended things before all of this happened because I began to realize that I loved him more than I ever loved myself this whole time.

I realized it every time he would talk down to me just to prove his point not noticing how much of my self esteem he broke. I realized it when he became frustrated every time I didn’t know how to do something myself not even seeing that a person can’t always do everything themselves. I felt it every time he told me every insult whenever he had a bad day just to take it out on me.

For six years I was his emotional punching bag, but as the days have passed, I am slowly healing myself. I am slowly adjusting to a life by myself for now but it’s a peaceful life, a happier one. The heavy feeling, doubts, and anxiety I had when I was with him are gone. I’ve reconciled with the friends I’ve missed and I’ve spent more time with my family. I can do as I please, and it gets better every day.

What you’ve done is a blessing in disguise.

It hurt like hell for him to choose you over me but because of you I got better. Because of you I can sleep better at night knowing that the voice in my head telling me how worthless I was is gone. Because of both of you, I am now on the path to meet someone someday who will love me just as I am with no condition necessary. I may be still in the healing process, but I am getting there. What’s important now I have peace in my heart.

I am not condoning what you did for the peace I have right now because I had to overcome it. I am not going to thank you for convincing him to choose you over me. God made ways for me to find out everything. I thank God, my dad and all the loved ones in heaven, for sparing me from the person who gave me more pain rather than love. The person who does not deserve a girl like me.

Someday I will look back on these days and laugh about it because I learned something. I know God has someone better for me. Someone who has the same ways as I am because I can’t wait to love that right one who loves me more than I love myself. TC mark

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