I’ve recently been ghosted (for the second time) by a guy I was crazy about, and while “ghosting” is probably one the meanest things you can do purposely to another person, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
To those of you not familiar with the term, Urban Dictionary’s top definition for the term is (and quite accurately):
“The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.”
So, like I said above, really mean.
I’d been dating him on and off for little over a year and I honestly fell hard – not sure what it was but something when I was around him made me feel at home which, or maybe it was just his dog that was the cutest thing ever and reminded me of my childhood one. Either way, for whatever reason I kept going back.
Wet met via Tinder (oh, modern days) and hit it off immediately, he was everything I was looking for: had a great taste in music, funny, tall, had a dog, and the private moments were awesome too.
After a month or two of bliss in our newly found bubble things started to change. He started being shady, not calling, or just generally not interested. It was really starting to affect me so I decided to ask him about it, when he told me about his recent breakup a few months before we met – and it was a brutal one which was coincidently extremely to my own break up a few years ago – I sympathized and decided to take things even slower, worried that us moving in that direction was overwhelming him.
That didn’t work. We ended up having a huge fight after he was extremely rude and just generally not nice to me one night that led to me storming the house 2am. I travelled for holidays and when I came back we talked and he said he wanted to try and be better. I was so smitten that I fell back into his arms like that.
Few weeks go by and he’s acting weird and was rude again, when I called him out on it is when he decided to “ghost” me for the first time. I was so heartbroken and confused it honestly took me a good amount of time to be okay – it’s just so cruel and I couldn’t understand why, even if he wasn’t interested anymore, he’d think I deserve to be treated like that.
Obviously, when I was OK again is when he reappeared in my life and apologized for everything. I was an addict relapsing, I knew it was a bad idea but I just couldn’t help myself.
We started seeing each other again and things were going great until, again, he was rude and I told him not to speak to me like that, which I guess in his world meant never speak to me again.
Here’s the thing about being “ghosted,” it’s confusing and hurts like a MOFO but it just brings up the ghost’s true colors and really helps you realize that they are not the person for you. Why would you ever want to be even friends with someone who would treat you like that?
Every time I start to think I miss him I realize that he purposely made me suffer which is unforgivable. I’m not perfect, I can be insecure and anxious but I’m definitely worthy of a significant other that treats me with respect and love as I would them. It took me one guy to ghost me twice to understand that.
So if some idiot is ghosting you, know that it’s not your fault. It really isn’t. They just don’t have the balls to come up and tell you what’s wrong or that they’re ready to move on.
And I don’t know about you, but I’ll be damned if I suffer over someone who’s already a ghost.