31 Books That Make Any Guy Instantly Hotter
By Nico Lang
You know that moment. You’re on the train and what do you see sitting directly across from you? A gorgeous guy doing something just as hot as he is: reading a book. Staring at his nose buried in between pages, you start to feel dizzy. Is it warm in here? You think your panties just melted.
That’s because books are the hottest accessory known to man, and just about any non-EL James book is bound to get you sexual brownie points. However, here are 31 in particular that go the extra mile in making you as moist as a snack cake down there.
1. Naked by David Sedaris
Because anyone who likes David Sedaris is automatically good people. If you catch him reading Amy Sedaris, though, you marry him.
2. Discipline and Punish by Michel Foucault
Because it sounds like it might be hot, but it’s actually incredibly depressing, much like every single one of Foucault’s books.
3. Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
Because it means he’s still a kid inside.
4. Ghost World by Daniel Clowes
Because it means he’s into graphic novels, and any guy who likes graphic novels is instantly 10,000% more attractive. It’s science.
5. Blue Nights by Joan Didion
Because Joan Didion is the ultimate panty dropper.
6. Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger
Because haven’t you always secretly wanted to name your kids after J.D. Salinger characters?
7. Orlando by Virginia Woolf
Because if a guy is going to understand you, he needs to get Virginia Woolf. Note: If he’s reading Sylvia Plath, run.
8. The Curious Case of the Dog At Night-Time by Mark Haddon
Because you always lie and say you’ve read it but you haven’t and maybe the two of you could read it together.
9. Life Itself by Roger Ebert
Because Roger Ebert lives in forever — in your hearts.
10. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
Because it shows he’s in a book club, and you love a guy who’s in a book club.
11. Les Liaisons Dangereuses by Laclos
Because the odds of seeing a hot guy reading this book are so fucking slim that it would have to be sexual destiny, a sign that you’re bound together by Glenn Close and John Malkovich.
12. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
Because no guy will ever be as gorgeous as Foer’s prose. Except for maybe Henry Cavill. It’s close.
13. Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair by Pablo Neruda
Because Pablo Neruda can seriously get it.
14. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
Because nothing turns you on like doomed romances and social climbing.
15. For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway
Because against your better judgement, you’ve always really loved Hemingway, that beautiful alcoholic misogynist.
16. No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July
Because July speaks to the romantic idealist in you, the one who isn’t afraid to still dream big.
17. A Song of Fire and Ice by George R.R. Martin
Because that means he watches Game of Thrones which means you can watch it together.
18. Bleak House by Charles Dickens
Because any guy willing to subject themselves to that much depression is worth getting to know.
19. Metropolitan Life by Fran Lebowitz
Because any guy who knows who Fran Lebowitz is you absolutely have to know.
20. Distant Star by Roberto Bolano
Because if he read it in Spanish, you might die.
21. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling
Because Mindy Kaling is your life model.
22. Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence
Because it means he’s a little kinky.
23. The Flowers of Evil by Charles Baudelaire
Because if he’s reading this, it means he’s really kinky. Just remember: There’s kinky and then there’s Marquis de Sade.
24. Emma by Jane Austen
Because you really identify with Jane Austen’s heroines, who just want to do good without always knowing how.
25. The Pale King by David Foster Wallace
Because you’re still in mourning.
26. The Beautiful and the Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Because it shows he’s read more Fitzgerald than just The Great Gatsby. There’s so much to love.
27. This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz
Because you loved The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and you’ve been thinking about reading it so you could always ask him about it.
28. Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Because every single Marquez novel belongs on this list.
29. Bossypants by Tina Fey
Because you and Tina Fey might be the same person.
30. Lexus, Nexus and Sexus by Henry Miller
Because Henry Miller had too many sexy things to say in one book, so he gave us three.
31. Mason/Dixon by Thomas Pynchon
Because it has talking dogs. Obviously.