The 11 Worst Avril Lavigne Lyrics
By Nico Lang
This weekend, my roommate made me listen to Insane Clown Posse for the first time. I know many of you wonder how that is possible (because hating on them is soo 2010), but I value my ears and want them to listen to beautiful things, like Meryl Streep awards acceptance speeches. Besides, my masturbation schedule keeps me quite busy, so I don’t have the time to listen to grown men in clown costumes rock rap about magnets and Santa Claus, who (apparently) is a “fat bitch.”
However, listening to ICP (seriously, guys?) did make me think back to the days of my personal favorite purveyor of lyrical un-genius, the poetically maladroit Avril Lavigne. They always say in writing that you should show and not tell and that “less is more.” However, Lavigne proves that more is more, so long as you can rhyme the same word repeatedly or hit you over the head with a metaphor so blunt M. Night Shyamalan would say, “Woah, Av! That’s too much. Have you considered writing about evil wind instead?”
Remember, y’all: Her album with Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger is due at any time, as well as more generations of genius when she inevitably births his mutant, musical anti-Christ spawn. There’s so much more where this came from.
From “My Happy Ending”:
1. “Let’s talk this over/It’s not like we’re dead/Was it something I did?/Was it something you said?/Don’t leave me hanging/In a city so dead/Held up so high/On such a breakable thread.”
From “Girlfriend”:
2. “Don’t pretend I think you know I’m damn precious/And hell yeah/I’m the motherfucking princess/She’s like so whatever/You could do so much better/I think we should get together now/That’s what everybody’s talking about.”
From “How Does It Feel”:
3. “I am small and the world is big/All around me is fast moving/Surrounded by so many things/But suddenly, suddenly/How does it feel to be different from me?/Are we the same?”
From “Nobody’s Home”:
4. What’s wrong, what’s wrong now?/Too many, too many problems/Don’t know where she belongs, where she belongs/She wants to go home, but nobody’s home/It’s where she lies, broken inside/With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes/Broken inside.”
From “Anything But Ordinary”:
Our first Avril Two-fer. It’s a Daily Double!
5. “Sometimes I get so weird/I even freak myself out.”
6. “Let down your defenses/Use no common sense/If you look, you will see/That this world is a beautiful accident/Turbulent, succulent, opulent/Permanent no way.”
From “He Wasn’t”:
7. “This is when I start to bite my nails/And clean my room when all else fails/I think it’s time for me to bail/This point of view is getting stale.”
From “The Best Damn Thing”:
8. “I hate it when a guy doesn’t get the door/Even though I told him yesterday and the day before/I hate it when a guy doesn’t get the tab/And I have to pull my money out and that looks bad.”
From “Everything But You”:
9. “And now you’re somewhere out there/With a bitch slut psycho babe/I hate you, why are guys so lame?/Everything I gave you/I want everything back but you.”
10. “I never wanted to run away from you/I felt real bad, but that was what I did/I never wanted to, I didn’t hear from you/And you weren’t there for me/So that is what happened.”
From “Sk8er Boi”:
11. “He was a boy/She was a girl/Can I make it anymore obvious?/He was a punk/She did ballet/What more can I say?”