Jessica Lange Is Fucking Back & 14 Other Killer Moments From Episode 6 Of ‘AHS: Apocalypse’

This week’s episode of American Horror Story marks Jessica Lange’s first appearance on the show since Freak Show, and fans have been anticipating both Lange’s return and the trip back to Murder House since both bits of news were announced prior to the season premiere. But the writers did have to actually craft a plot to go along with the nostalgia train, and they did so by leaning into their secret strength: Emma Roberts ability to carry an episode.

If the return of Jessica Lange is the number one greatest thing about this season, having Billy Porter and Emma Roberts anchor an episode together is a very close second. Give these two their own spin-off, please.

The warlock when Madison told the realtor they couldn’t wait to start making babies.

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When the warlock said “I had to put khakis on, so it’s been a hard day for all of us” I really felt that.

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Emma Roberts and Billy Porter were hilarious together as Madison and Chablis, posing as a married couple and buying the Murder House. Their facial expressions and one-liners during the meeting at the bank were worth the price of admission alone this week — “What can we say, the wife’s a sucker for a farmhouse kitchen?!”

“I gotta look out the window and cry while I masturbate. It’s my daily thing.”

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Everyone’s favorite problematic daddy is back and apparently Ben Harmon’s personal hell involves repeating that infamous masturbate-while-crying schtick on a daily basis. This prompted Chablis to refer to him as “the tearjerker,” at which point your friendly neighborhood recapper missed several additional lines of dialogue that followed because I, too, was briefly deceased.

The ghosts, every time Madison says “Michael Langdon”:

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Then. It. Happened. “I’m Constance Langdon,” says Constance Langdon, “And this is my fucking house.”

The show wisely cut to commercial here lest the screams of YASSS KWEEN disturb the dead.

Constance talking about how she’s had to deal with Moira and Tate’s bullshit this whole time.

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Constance every time she says “I was born to be a mother”:

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Girl, your backyard is a graveyard of all your kids—In. What. World??

Each of the ghosts showing the witches around the murder house.

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Michael: hey dad!

Tate:

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Y’all put baby in the corner, and look what happened.

Then it was time for Mother Goddess Connie Britton to give us the low-low on Michael.

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Cue another well-timed commercial break so we can yell, faint, or masturbate while crying in front of a window; we all celebrate the return of Connie Britton into our lives in different ways, okay?

Okay, why did no one warn a girl that we were getting a whole extra 18 minutes of Madison and Murder this week? I was not prepared to have this much weave snatched!

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Vivien trying to kill Michael:

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After regaling Chablis and Madison with a charming tale of neglecting his actual daughter to father the psycho father and son duo, Ben confessed that Michael was beyond his help—and that’s when the other big appearance of the episode finally happened. Britton reprised her role of Vivien Harmon, reconciling with Ben and telling the witches that Michael isn’t just “evil”; he’s the Antichrist. Oh, and she tried to kill him, but failed.

Madison after she finally learned the truth about Michael.

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When you realize that we’re more than halfway through the season, and Ryan Murphy has managed to not do any of that wacky shit that usually happens around episode four of every season, and actually improve as we get further along.

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WHAT THE ACTUAL FCK, PAPA LEGBA IS GOING TO APPEAR ON THE NEXT EPISODE??

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Thoughts and Predictions

Sarah Paulson is playing three different characters this season and found time to direct. She really is The Supreme.

This is Emma Roberts best performance on this show since the Millennial Monologue in Coven.

Did we really have to lose Connie Britton this whole season of 9-1-1 for this 3-minute appearance?

Okay coven, do we think that Madison and Chablis manage to sway any other warlocks to fight against Michael, or is the patriarchal circle-jerk too strong to break?