Thought Catalog

An Inner Monologue Of Someone With Writer’s Block

  • 0
Shutterstock
Shutterstock

Remember that time Stephanie from 7th grade dumped milk on your head at lunch in the cafeteria? Let’s dwell on that for an hour.

No. Wait. Come on. We can be productive. Productive. Productive. Yeah, this is really productive. I can do better than this, can’t I?

Oh no. What if I can’t? What if I’ve completely run out of original ideas forever? Is that even possible? I wonder if it is. Is it even possible to Google that? What would you even type into the search bar, “The death of independent thought”? That sounds like a B-movie.

Not even, sounds like a C-movie. Like “Birdemic.” That movie was incredible. Didn’t they make a sequel to that? Hell yeah they did!

Ok, that’s enough daydreaming. Let’s think of something people want to read. What do I know about that I can share with the world? Fashion? I’m wearing the same pair of gym shorts I’ve worn for three straight days.

Next. Music? The last album I downloaded was bluegrass covers of classic rock songs.

Next. Relationship advice! That’s a good one. People love to read about love and all that. But what do I know about that? Hmmmmm.

Next.

Should I write a list of things or a stream of consciousness essay or maybe something deep and profound? Those sound great, but I am neither deep nor profound.

What do people who read things on the Internet like? Cats. Well that’s obvious, but I hate cats. Seriously people, what’s so great about cats? They’re like the smaller more boring versions of dogs.

Dogs are awesome. Unless they’re small purse dogs, then they’re cats. And cats are useless.

Ok, seriously, stop wasting time on the Internet and think of something to write about.

But, what?

I don’t know.

You tell me.

How about a list? Lists are good, people like lists, they’re organized, effective.

But lists are played out. Let’s do something original.

We’ve already established you have no original thoughts.

There’s got to be at least one more in there, right?

What was Birdemic 2 called again? You think they’ll make it a trilogy?

Stop it, brain. Stop it right now. Or so help me I’ll drink so much it’ll make freshman year of college look like Sunday school!

Okay, okay, jeez, calm down.

Oh! That’s it!

What is?

Calm down – relaxation! I’ve got it!

We’re going to write about relaxing? You’ve had four cups of coffee and your left eye is twitching a bit.

No, no, no, we’ll do some relaxation exercises! Breathe in, breathe out, inhale, exhale, and lower your heart rate below 200.

Ah, that’s better.

Yeah it is, I feel so much more relaxed now.

Let’s get a snack, all this work has really made me hungry.

You’re right; we’ve certainly worked up an appetite.

Shut up.

Eh, we’ll try again later. TC mark

Read This

More from Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog Videos


    • http://behindblueeyes93.wordpress.com behindblueeyes93

      Reblogged this on behindblueeyes93 and commented:
      I completely agree. Been there! Still there! Ugh.

    • http://www.howsweeteats.com/2014/08/tuesday-things-165/ Tuesday Things. | How Sweet It Is

      […] Kinda in love with this inner monologue of someone with writer’s block. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve written […]

    • https://thoughtcatalog.com/nick-bente/2014/08/4-terrible-things-about-entering-your-late-20s/ 4 Terrible Things About Entering Your Late 20s | Thought Catalog

      […] with our lives, make responsible decisions with our money and our health, and probably stop writing stupid things on the Internet. For a lot of people it’s a seamless transition and one day we wake up and we have a fiancée or […]

    • http://soletshangout.com/you-got-me-straight-crushin-boo-volume-two/ You Got Me Straight Crushin’ Boo! {Volume Two} | So...Let's Hang Out

      […] Writer’s block. The struggle is real. […]

    blog comments powered by Disqus