I’ve found out a little bit about my Godzilla, about enough to give it a name. Its name is ‘the fear that everything about me is a lie and that I’ll never matter.’
So many of us run away from this feeling, like it’s something our lives would be better without. But I don’t think we’d be human unless we worried.
Please, try and suspend the many possible psychological interpretations of what was going on for me at the time. But to cut an already-too-long story short, I found that level of control really attractive.
If I can provide a defense for generic dream interpretation, it revolves around the fact that within cultures, it is common for certain things to have fairly uniform connotations.
In general, I resist any pull towards categorization or diagnosis: people are individuals and should be treated as such.
I found myself reflecting on how hard it is just to sit and do nothing. And I mean actually nothing. Not dozing, not reading, not meditating, not listening to music, not going for a drive – actually nothing. Just sitting, alone with our thoughts and feelings.
What’s similar about fear-based responses is that they’re located in the body.
It’s the war that’s been fought since the beginning of time. It’s the most socially divisive split on the planet. It’s ended marriages and estranged family members. The one question that could define us all is: whether you’re a dog person or a cat person.
It seems to me that it’s a two-party dominated political system that benefits from voting as it’s designed to only benefit the majority. I wonder what government policy on health care, or education, or disability services would look like if those deciding on policy had to make decisions that didn’t ignore sections of the population?
For example, how do we reconcile “just sit” (e.g. Zen) with “stagnation is death”? How can we see that “honesty is the best policy” and “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”?