There are probably a few brave souls (total freaks) who go on internet dates sober, but you’re probably not compatible with those people. Whether you prefer whiskey, expired pharmaceuticals you found at the bottom of your bag, or “herbal refreshments”, use your substance of choice in moderation. It isn’t socially acceptable to start blacking out until midway through the date.
It’s best to have your date choose the location so you can blame them if (when) it sucks. Encourage them to choose a place you don’t frequent so they don’t humiliate you in front of people you see regularly.
If for some reason you do end up in your local bar, make sure you and your date have agreed on a fabricated “how we met” backstory in case you run into anyone you know. You can say you met at rehab, or community college. Be creative, but keep it believable.
No one like an awkward silence. Before your date, think of some interesting topics to get the conversation flowing. Use your imagination! Discuss your frequent rage blackouts, deceased childhood pets, clowns….anything goes!
4. Evacuation Plan
In the event of a true emergency, like your date showing up in cargo shorts or the bartender refusing to over serve you shots, you’re going to need to bail. If you can’t think of a suitable excuse, just turn the tables on your date. Be as off-putting as possible to make them so uncomfortable they get up to use the restroom and never come back.
Finally, you’re free to go home, cry, and vow to never go on an internet date ever again.