In our modern dating age, you can date without being in a relationship and hook up without any commitment. This can be good or bad depending on your perspective. But what happens when you’ve been dating a guy for a while and he won’t call you his girlfriend? You spend a lot of time together, he cheers you up when you’re feeling low, and you’ve definitely stopped seeing other people. Just one problem, though: You haven’t had “the talk” yet, so you don’t know whether you’re in an “official” relationship. Or maybe you have had the talk, but he’s been hesitant to call you his girlfriend. What’s the deal? Why won’t he refer to you as his girlfriend? Here are 5 potential reasons why:
1. You haven’t been dating long enough.
The obvious answer is that you haven’t been together long enough. It takes time to build a relationship and reach the “official” relationship status, even if things between you two have been going really well. If you’ve only been together a few months, I wouldn’t sweat him not calling you his girlfriend. He may come around after a few more months of being together. In the meantime, make yourself less available so that he has an incentive to call you his girlfriend later (I’ll talk more about this below).
2. He’s dating someone else.
Ouch, this is a hard statement to process. He might not call you his girlfriend because he is dating someone else, or even multiple people. It’s not fair for him to commit to you when he’s dating other people. Technically he’s not doing anything wrong if you aren’t in an “official” relationship, but the idea of him dating someone else can still really hurt. If you’re concerned that this is the case, you should talk to him about it. Ask him, straight up, if he is dating other people, and be prepared to put your brave face on if he says that he is.
3. You’re too available.
Also another hard statement to process, but it’s important to hear. You may be too available. If you spend a lot of time together already, and he knows you aren’t dating anyone else, he doesn’t have a lot of an incentive to call you his girlfriend. You’re already committed to him, and you’re already spending a lot of time together, so why would he need to take it a step further and call you his girlfriend? Usually when people make their relationship “official” it means that they are monogamous, and generally this is a big motivating factor in becoming “official.” Both people want to “lock” the other person down so that they’re “off the market.” If he hasn’t made you his girlfriend yet, it could be because there’s no need to take you off the market. You’re already off the market because you like him so much and you’re not planning on dating anyone else. If you’re committed to him and you’re not sure about his commitment to you, it may be good to back off a little. Spend less time with him and hang out with your other friends so that you seem less available. Make the difference between dating and “official” more distinct, and he may be more likely to call you his girlfriend.
4. He’s just not that into you.
Damn, I keep bringing on the tough truths. Yes, he may just not be that in to you. He may enjoy the relationship the way it’s going, no strings attached. He may not want to make you his girlfriend because he simply doesn’t like you enough to be his girlfriend. In this case, you should kick him to the curb. You deserve to be with someone that kisses the ground you walk on!
5. He may have commitment issues.
Your man may have some trouble committing in general if he hasn’t called you his girlfriend. No matter how much he likes you, he may feel afraid to commit. Maybe he just got out of a tough relationship and he doesn’t want to jump into anything serious. Maybe he has never had a girlfriend before and he doesn’t know how to have one. Maybe he’s just genuinely clueless about dating in general. In any case, you should try to find out where his commitment issues come from. If you ask about his relationship history, this is a good way to find out where he stands on commitment.
There are many reasons why he may not call you his girlfriend. If not being his girlfriend is bothering you, you should talk to him about it. I know it’s a scary conversation to have, and some unfortunate truths about him may come out in the process. He may have commitment issues or he may be dating someone else. You may not get the answer you want from him. You may even break up. However, it’s extremely important that you at least broach the subject of being together “officially” or else trust issues in your relationship may occur. You’re going to sit around, wait for the “official” conversation to happen and maybe build up some resentment towards him unless you talk to him about it first. If this relationship ultimately isn’t right, you should move on and not waste any more of your precious time. Your heart will thank you and you won’t develop commitment issues from being with the person that won’t commit to you.