The Immortal Bieber And Other Collected Short Plays

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#2:  …AND THE WORLD WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

(Curtain up.)
(A laboratory. A cub reporter interviews a wild-haired man in a white labcoat.)

REPORTER:  Professor Wermer!  Tell us about your exciting new invention!

WERMER: (In a slight accent) I have built a Perpetual Malaise Machine.

REPORTER:  And how do you feel, Professor?

WERMER: (Shrugs.)  Eh.

(He sighs in German.)
(Curtain.)

+++

#5:  CONQUISTADOR

(Curtain.)

(Montezuma II lies on stage, a large sword through his person.  A Blonde Man in a suit of armor stands over him, wind in his hair.)

(Montezuma II sputters blood, thinks.)

MONTEZUMA II:  I, Montezuma II, last king of the Aztecs, am slain unjustly.  Before I expire, I must know, pale conqueror, are you one of the immortals?

(The Blonde Man nods slowly.)

MONTEZUMA II:  And what is your name?

BLONDE MAN:  I am the one they call Bieber.

(Pause.)

MONTEZUMA II:  You can have your blankets back.

(He expires.)

(Curtain.)

+++

#7:  MASSIVE

(Curtain.)

(A bedroom.  A woman in lingerie cowers in the corner, covered in blood, weeping as her husband’s corpse is torn asunder on the bed by a 99-inch-tall ROOSTER.)

(A Genie appears and walks over to the husband’s corpse.)

GENIE:  (To the corpse.) I told you she wouldn’t like it.

(Curtain.)

+++

#12:  HAIKU LOOP

(Curtain.)

(A doctor’s office, the doctor working quietly at his desk. A FRANTIC MAN runs in, eyes filled with terror.)

FRANTIC MAN:  Doctor, you must help!

DOCTOR:  Tell me, good man, what is it?

FRANTIC MAN:  I am trapped in a…

(He is unable to speak another syllable.  He weeps silently.)

(Curtain.) TC Mark

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