#2: …AND THE WORLD WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
(A laboratory. A cub reporter interviews a wild-haired man in a white labcoat.)
REPORTER: Professor Wermer! Tell us about your exciting new invention!
WERMER: (In a slight accent) I have built a Perpetual Malaise Machine.
REPORTER: And how do you feel, Professor?
WERMER: (Shrugs.) Eh.
(He sighs in German.)
(Montezuma II lies on stage, a large sword through his person. A Blonde Man in a suit of armor stands over him, wind in his hair.)
(Montezuma II sputters blood, thinks.)
MONTEZUMA II: I, Montezuma II, last king of the Aztecs, am slain unjustly. Before I expire, I must know, pale conqueror, are you one of the immortals?
(The Blonde Man nods slowly.)
MONTEZUMA II: And what is your name?
BLONDE MAN: I am the one they call Bieber.
MONTEZUMA II: You can have your blankets back.
(A bedroom. A woman in lingerie cowers in the corner, covered in blood, weeping as her husband’s corpse is torn asunder on the bed by a 99-inch-tall ROOSTER.)
(A Genie appears and walks over to the husband’s corpse.)
GENIE: (To the corpse.) I told you she wouldn’t like it.
#12: HAIKU LOOP
(A doctor’s office, the doctor working quietly at his desk. A FRANTIC MAN runs in, eyes filled with terror.)
FRANTIC MAN: Doctor, you must help!
DOCTOR: Tell me, good man, what is it?
FRANTIC MAN: I am trapped in a…
(He is unable to speak another syllable. He weeps silently.)