To The One Great Love That I Threw Away

I have no excuse. No reason, no explanation. No spoken word can possibly explain how I could let you go. You were my world and I let you fall from my grasp like grains of sand between my fingertips. The fact that it was years ago makes my heart no less heavy and my regrets no less present; if given the chance again, I would give everything my heart has been holding back for the years it’s been since your lips touched mine.

There hasn’t been a day since our last conversation that my soul doesn’t long to be aligned with yours; for your hands to hold my heart and my love along with it; for my body to lay with yours, finally happy again.

I pushed you out of my mind for so many moments; so many thoughts in my mind which I didn’t allow through for the reminder of what a fool I had been, for how badly I had treated you, and for terribly I had ripped us apart.

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, should I have the guts to send the words formed from heartache and tears, but if you ever do, I hope you know the only regret I hold in my life is letting you go. There is never a part of me which wouldn’t give up all I had for another chance at relighting the spark to the flame we held, and I can swear this time around its something which would burn forever; I would never be foolish enough to let our souls burn out like I had done in the past.

I just want you to know more than anything that there isn’t a part of me which doesn’t hold love and appreciation for you and the time I had with you.

That’s why the tears came last night; the one time since our ending that I allowed myself to feel, to be excited, to count down the minutes, and the one time that I had been let down. The mere minutes I shared with you allowed me to feel more alive than I have in the years since I’ve been with you.

There is no clear conclusion for the thoughts I have towards you; I just hope there is closure for you where there is the unknown for me. For every thought I have of you, I hope you think of the future and all it holds for you. For every ounce of pain and regret in my being, I pray there is positivity and hope for you. There is never a day in my lifetime I won’t owe you my happiness and there is certainly not a second in this lifetime that I won’t love you.