1. Balloon crash in Virginia kills 3: Last weekend, a hot air balloon carrying its captain and two women who worked at University of Richmond struck a power line and caught fire. All three passengers died when the basket separated from the balloon in mid air. One of the women posted “#anxiety” before the flight, and bystanders heard the women yelling “help me, sweet Jesus, I’m going to die!” just before the basket was separated.
Your take: “anything involving fire fifty-feet above ground is bad news. Thoughts and prayers to friends and family of all 3 victims.”
2. Wildfires spread in many populated areas of Southern California: Seven homes, one apartment complex, and two businesses have been destroyed by the 10,000+ acre fire, and 18,400 southern California residents have been given an evacuation notice. Winds have reached up to 40 MPH in some areas and the fires are 75 percent contained as of Thursday evening. Two teens have been arrested on arson charges and one body has been found.
Your take: “I guess even fire at ground level is oftentimes a very bad thing. Again, thoughts and prayers for all involved.”
3. Turkey mine disaster kills 282 (and quickly rising): A Turkish mine explosion on Tuesday has killed hundreds while about 120 others remain trapped. Over 700 miners were inside of the mine, which is twice the average amount due to a shift-change. The gasses and fire are hindering rescue efforts, which means the remaining minors will likely die. Turkish citizens are pissed at the government and private mining companies for failing to address lingering worker safety concerns, which is nothing new to the newly privatized mines. Protests have broken out in many cities, and photos like this of the Prime Ministers advisor kicking a protestor are not helping the tensions.
Your take: “Progression towards a safe work environment oftentimes comes at the cost of human lives. America witnessed this shortly after the industrial revolution. Now we do it at the cost of animal’s lives, right BP?”
4. News broke of Patriot’s tight-end Aaron Hernandez killing two people in 2012: Five weeks before signing a $40 million contract with the New England NFL team, Aaron Hernandez was riding in an SUV when he pulled up next to a car and fatally shot two people after a scruff at a local night club. Hernandez, who is definitely developing a reputation as a positive role model to the nation’s youth, is already in jail for the murder of his friend Odin Lloyd late last year. Motive for Lloyd’s murder may have been his knowledge of Hernandez’s’ 2012 shootings.
Your take: “You can take the girl outta the ghetto, but you can’t take the ghetto outta the girl. Just kidding, Hernandez grew up in Bristol, Connecticut.”
5. European Union high-court orders Google to adhere to “right to be forgotten” law: The highest court in the European Union has ordered Google to delete an individual’s personal information from the search engines results at the individual’s request. While many welcome the law, many also oppose it (weird, right?), including Jimmy Wales of Wikipedia who called the law ridiculous and said it leads to a “very bizarre conclusion that a newspaper can publish information and yet Google can’t link to it — [making] no sense at all.” Before you get your hopes up that America would pass a similar law, keep in mind this would be a direct objection to the first amendment. Oh, and Google spent $15.8 million on lobbying last year, more than Exxon mobile.
Your take: “if you don’t do stupid shit, you won’t end up on the internet as someone who does stupid shit.”
6. Giant NFL player kissed skinny little white dude on national television and everyone lost their minds: Michael Sam (the NFLs’ first openly gay draftee) likes men, and he celebrated being the newest member of the Saint Louis Rams by kissing his boyfriend instead of his girlfriend (because he doesn’t have one). People/homophobes went ape-shit. The NFL is not a Christian organization. America is not a Christian country. Get the fuck over it.
Your take: “How is Michael Sam’s boyfriend hotter than mine?”
7. Veteran Affairs office corruption is being exposed nationwide: At least 40 military veterans have died while waiting for medical treatment at a Phoenix office, where they use an off-the-books list to hide the real waiting periods for the veterans. The average wait time in Phoenix is over 40 days while the target wait time is 14 days. The investigations have exposed similar corruption at several other cities VA offices, whose book-burning employees will likely face criminal charges.
Your take: “we’re $17 trillion in debt, our president goes on $3 million weeklong vacations, and we don’t have enough money to treat the Americans who protect our own liberties?”
8. Let’s play a game this week. If any of your friends mention the following names, they buy a round. Make sure they know, and please find new friends: Justin Bieber, Solange Knowles, Donald Sterling, Karl Rove.
9. Videos that are worth watching:
John Oliver has the most sensible argument on global warming ever.
Bunny eats raspberries. No seriously, that’s all it is. And it has 10 million views in just 7 freaking days.
If you haven’t seen this video of a cat saving a toddler from “man’s best friend,” obviously your internet connection has been down since Wednesday. 
