I’m Slowly Learning I’m Better Off Without You

I'm Slowly Learning That I'm Better Off Without You
Joshua Rawson-Harris

Some days I wake up and it doesn’t hurt. Other days I wake up so pissed off at you I can’t form words. On the days it doesn’t hurt, I walk a little taller, smile a little brighter, hug a little longer, and love with all my heart. Those other days, I refuse to look anyone in the eye, I refuse to say more than two words to people, and I walk around with a resting bitch face.

I can’t help what you’ve done to me, but I’ve taken off my rose-colored glasses. I am learning to see the world again. I’m learning to love myself for what feels like the first time in my life. It’s feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off me. I’m relearning what it’s like to genuinely smile again. And with time I will learn to love again, and trust someone the way I once trusted you.

I gave you everything I had in me. Everything I could possibly give another human being, while still being a person. Slowly, I am building those things from the shattered ground you left them on. Slowly, I am learning it’s okay to be afraid of giving myself to another person all over again. I am also learning that it’s okay to be single. It’s okay to want to be by myself. That is until I am ready to be with someone else. It’s okay if it takes time: days, weeks, months, years maybe. It’s okay.

So, I’ll sit back and rebuild the foundation of my soul, while I’ll wait for someone better to come along. If it’s one lesson I’ll take with me, it’s that you weren’t worth my time. I was just too blind to that. It’s okay. I forgive you. And while you sit there and wonder what I’m doing or how I’m feeling: just know that I’m doing better without you.

I’m a better person without you. And I will continue to better myself while you still try and figure out why you wanted to leave me in the first place. TC mark

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