I wish I could be the one to love you.
Because just the thought of you gives me a sense of security of something I almost had but never will.
I wish I could be the one to love you,
Because really, I think you’re perfect.
And I know you hate when I say that.
And maybe that’s why I love you most.
There, I said it: I love you.
Or at least I’d like to think I do?
Either way, it doesn’t matter.
None of this does,
Because let’s face it:
I could never be the one to love you,
not even if I tried.
I could never be the one to love you
I can only send you gifs, and yes I mean gifs and not gifts, like the pathetic person that I am
because I care
but also as a way of reminding you that I exist
because let’s face it, with time, you will forget.
And though I wish I could, though I really wish I could
I could never be the one to love you.
And it hurts me to know this,
because more than anything in this world, I would have loved to be that one.
Because falling in love with you has been quite honestly one of the purest experiences I’ve had in awhile.
It was both inexplicable and irrational.
And no, the two concepts are not the same. Because some things that are irrational can be explained and other times the inexplicable can be rationalized.
But this was both: irrational and explicable,
and I think that’s why I cherished it the most.
It was mine. It was yours. It was ours.
Is that possible? Is it possible for something to be ours when there was no “we” to begin with?
Whatever it was, it was timeless and yet, ironically, it was now over.
It was everything I could have ever asked for…
in an almost love(r).
Because that’s what we are, anyway: (an) almost love(rs).
Or rather, that’s what we were.
And I guess that’s what pains me the most.
The were, not the are.
Because at least the are feels good in the moment.
Though the were, well that’s just the past,
clinging to a memory of what once was,
And I know that in two weeks time, once I’m overseas and busy with work, embarking in this new chapter of this thing called life, my feelings will change.
I will have moved on.
But for now, just for tonight, let me hold on.
Let me pretend.
Let me pretend that this is more than what it was.
That what was still is,
Because I know rationally I make no sense.
And really, this is/was all in my head.
Though aren’t most things? You know, all in our heads?
And I know I will wake up in the morning only to realize that I have indeed “lost it”.
But for now, let me pretend.
Let me pretend for what it is and what it was,
That what we were we still are, and that once was still is,
but that most importantly, what could have been still could be.
And that even though I know I could never be the one to love you,
Let me pretend,
that perhaps if things were different,
or could have been
well you know,