The Curse Of Thinking That “Nice Guys Finish Last”


“Nice Guys finish last” is always a phrase I’ve always heard and wanted to break the stigma on. For my 28 years on this earth I’ve always tried to get a better understanding on women and the dating world and how to have success with both. Success with both has eluded me for multiples of reason and I chalk it up to the mental block of “Nice Guys Finish Last”.  I feel as though I’ve done everything that is humanly possible to be the good guy for women as they so requested but never really follow through with when they are in the relationships and then by default I’ve become the good guy friend and heard time and time again “Oh I wish there was more guys like you!” all while sobbing, “but I am that guy!!” I want to always yell out to them, it’s not my fault you let your emotions blind you and not see that this guy is a jerk.  I never get that chance, and when I talk to my guy friends about it I always get the pat on the back and surface level advice “Don’t worry bro, you will get them next time” or “ Be more assertive, be an asshole” or the classic “there is plenty fish in the sea”.

All of those I just roll my eyes at, but as I got older I spent the time working on my confidence and assertiveness when talking to females in hopes they wouldn’t see me as a pity party but more as a guy who knows what he wants and is romantic but not going to make you feel like shit. I have always appreciated the fact I have humor and charm on my side since lacking the physical build or the perfect hair but even with those at my side there the results aren’t there. I always tried to model myself or learn from I should say average/nice guy seen in TV/Films such as (Corey Matthews, Doug Funnie, Kevin Arnold) along with a slew of others but seeing these characters struggle and deal with the heart-ache they had only made me want to do things differently and in a weird way avenge their failures with women.

It’s funny looking back at my attempts at asking a girl out, I always remembered being so afraid of them, kind of like that fear when you are a kid and you get in trouble for breaking mom’s favorite vase, while she is at work and you have to admit who did it but you don’t know how you’re going to explain yourself.  I always did (the look down at my shoes/scratch my head/stuttering every word) and in that same order. Once I grew out of that I some-how fell into the pity date or pity dating and there continued the Nice-Guy curse and to make matters worse all the girls I wanted by my side where gone but I had accepted I was cursed with the nice guy complex and started to let pity dates happen until I moved out on my own and told myself I’m not letting this happen anymore.

I decided to build on this new found confidence by going out more without the direct intention of meeting a girl and just be me and enjoy time-out with friends and see if my in-direct approach would  result would finally be in my favor but only to have luke-warm result I completely went into “Charlie Brown misses the football frustration”. I thought to myself high school is over this should be easier, but wrong again these girls had another agenda and it didn’t include me, and never seemed too sure with want they want. When I finally had my first real relationship I felt that was my time to finally shine and also be as cheesy as one could be with surprise flowers and candy and Goodmorning and Goodnight calls only to notice early that some females don’t know how to receive admiration like that and feel backed in the corner and then I was back to square one. I was also picking up on the fact that guys around me saw my process as trying too hard and I became a butt of their joke during a round of beers. My naivety and eagerness to impress always made me believe this is how its suppose to go when in reality all it was doing was blinding me to the fact the Nice-Guy approach is like salt a little bit is good but a lot ruins the meal and now that I’ve learned that I can carry that with me as I continue this journey to find as Mary J. Blige put it “Real Love”. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog