The first time he went away I felt a bit guilty for not feeling sad.depressed.agitated.insecure. But, it was in the beginning. That guilt was tossed out of the windows after I began having fun in ‘me time.’
I do not expect new brides to understand what I am talking about here. However, a few years into your marriage and you would know how your husbands’ short trips can work miracles for you.
Me time is good for you. For me and for everyone. Especially the working lot who complain of not having time for themselves. It will be a surprise to unravel yourself when you are Alone. That is the time you get to really understand who you are, what you are and what you like to do.
After four years of marriage, it is difficult to know what you are like when alone. The time off away from him for 3 months made me a changed person.
Began to love myself. The first few days were painful. I would sleep with the lights on at night. Watch TV continuously for hours. Dumped myself on the bed when I got back from work and so on…
Some days later, I shook myself to get out of this mundane routine and do things I like.
So, I began cooking on weekends, joined a gym, woke up early, started writing and reading more. Before I knew it, I was more active and improved as a person. I began to love this new me – who was earlier only about ‘pleasing my husband and obsessing with him.’
Stopped mulling over things. There are certain habits that we never come to face with, when we are with our partner. It’s like you are constantly with your shadow. Time apart made me Face my limitations and negativities. I realized I had so many of them I could eventually make a list! Biggest one of them all was of pondering too much over trivial issues.
I started by addressing this and realized in no time that a) keeping myself busy was the key and b) Spending time doing unproductive things was the cause.
Giving quality time to relationships once ignored. One relationship that is likely to suffer when you are bound in marriage is the time you spend with your parents.
When he went away I got ample opportunity to be with my parents. Not only that, I built an independent relationship with my in-laws. I can say that I got this chance to become their daughter instead of daughter-in-law. To this day, I thank God for this turnaround.
I find women like me struggling everyday to maintain that balance between work and in-laws. But, this time alone with them benefited us and worked like MAGIC.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It may sound clichéd, but I believe it is true – that’s why it is overused. Has been true for me and many others. Unless you get it in your head, distance can actually work wonders for a relationship. The absence of the person you love makes you realize those habits/things that you would like to UNDO.
You are a better person. You surprise yourself when this change is also reflected in your personality around your partner. The self-confidence and regained identity, especially having proven you can manage work, household chores and family alone too gives you a boost.
The distance, if looked at from a positive perspective is not only going to make you feel good but your partner too. So, the next time distance separates you – make it a boon, not a BANE!