Wow, I Boned a Feminist

Last weekend I went on a date that I organized with a new and popular dating website that a lot of young people are using these days. I came across Lola’s profile by chance and I liked it because she had cute short hair. I like girls with cute short hair who might be gay, but probably aren’t. I don’t mind if they are gay, but I usually don’t go after the gay ones because I encounter too many difficulties. I also liked her profile because it said that she was a feminist but she still thought guys were so sweeeeet. I think the misspelling of “sweet” was intentional. I told her that I thought this was funny. She got back to me, saying something about not being a good feminist lately.

This new, popular dating website has a rating feature. Users can rate other users. I haven’t really gotten the hang of how it works, and I’m not sure really what the etiquette is around that. I rated her five-stars and sent her a message saying that I rated her five stars but that I realized the rating system was surely against her feminist principles. She got back to me and she was flattered that I had rated her five stars, even though in principle it was problematic. She suggested in the same message that we just get a beer and cut the senseless internet banter.

God damn, I thought, this girl is really awesome. In my experience a minimum of one week of internet message banter is necessary to actually score a date. We agreed to meet at a small bar in Williamsburg.

She showed up at the bar, exuding a kind of easy-going confidence. I was feeling a little sick and tired from all of my hard living, but I still enjoyed our conversation a great deal. Are we gonna bone? I wondered. She made a comment about wanting to pound some beers, but that she wasn’t going to because I was sick and wasn’t drinking very fast. There’s a good chance we’re going to bone, I thought. Then she asked if I wanted to get blunted with her. I said sure, and that we could go to my apartment, which was nearby. We’re definitely going to bone, I thought.

She came back with me. Things were still going well. She talked about sex quite a bit and about dudes she had boned. At first I didn’t know what to make of her openness about this subject, but then I started to think it was pretty cool. At my apartment my roommate was there and the three of us got along. We got blunted and retired to my bedroom. We were looking at some blogs and things on my computer and then I pulled a move. When we were about half naked she suddenly said, “We have to pause for a second this is weird.” I wasn’t sure what to do but I used this opportunity to take a pee. When I got back she explained that she was just so surprised that I had made a move, because I hadn’t seemed interested, and that was why she had to stop for a few moments. I get this a lot from girls – they don’t think I’m interested. Girls, I am interested. Then we started going at it again.

She made several trips downstairs, so to speak, and told me that she really loved giving blow jays. In fact, as a feminist she made a point of taking as much pleasure as possible in giving blow jays. I was a little confused about the logic of a feminist enjoying giving blow jays, but since I was getting a blow jay at that moment I didn’t think about it very much.

After our act of love was finished, I thought, as I often do, oh shit what am I doing here with this naked girl I don’t know in my bed? I inquired about the whole blow jay thing. From what I understand she was so into them because it was a form of empowerment for her. I still don’t fully understand the logic behind it but I wasn’t going to argue. Then she went downstairs again, so to speak.

After another round, feeling very open about sexuality and questions related to that, I decided I would speak freely with her. I wondered aloud about how she felt about bonin’ on the first date. She explained to me that the assumption that girls want to wait to have sex is incredibly problematic because it characterizes women as being less interested in sex and incapable of asserting their own desires. It puts them in the usual position as desired objects, rather than desiring subjects – or something like that.

I am not unfamiliar with feminism and I encountered a lot of it in college, but bonin’ this girl was worth more than all of the reading I had done! Suddenly, a weight was lifted from me and I no longer felt strange about having this relative stranger with me in my bed who was all over my Johnson. My neurotic and, so I learned, problematic feelings of guilt thus assuaged, I was able to enjoy being with her in a way that normally isn’t possible on a first date hook-up. We even began to talk about the other people we had been dating recently, and different sexual hang-ups we had encountered, and that made me feel all the more at ease. And when she mentioned that I was one of the few guys she had encountered without any sexual hang-ups in Brooklyn, my ego was boosted.

I haven’t seen Lola again since this last encounter, but I’m hoping to see her again soon because she’s pretty awesome. In the meantime, I’ve been enjoying my other first date booty calls far more than I ever would have before. Thank you, Lola. I hope you’re getting laid a lot and I hope it’s good. TC mark

image – ocean yamaha

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  • PERFECTCIRCLES

    I am Lola. Don't call it boning. Otherwise good. I can give you a “blow jay” again just let me know.

    • http://twitter.com/2_4Real Wiley & Casey

      ur not lola bro

      • 2_4Real

        WILEY STOP GETTING IN MY BIZNESS I'LL BONE WHO I WANT

      • http://twitter.com/2_4Real Wiley & Casey

        fuk u, ur not my mom

  • Revelation1 16

    There is almost nothing I hate more than the bizarre, stilted writing style that Thought Catalog seems to have taken as its own.

    • shoehorn

      guess it's time to peace out and spend the afternoon with an illegally downloaded copy of king of limbs then eh

    • Lauri

      Ever since I downloaded the Tao Lin Filter, my enjoyment of Thought Catalog has increased to nearly May 2010 levels. It filters out not only Tao Lin, Tao Lin wannabes, and Tao Lin's “wife,” but those trying to be affectless, alienated, and preciously self-conscious. You can even set custom parameters. I've added a filter for people who overuse the word “sweet.” I highly recommend this product!

      • http://my.staff.get/it anon

        someone put this chick on staff

      • LOL

        Is their a “seems bleak” filter as well?

      • setecq

        Thank you for nailing precisely the problem here.

  • V**I

    Great story.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Fiveoseveniam-Lazaroff/7706828 Steven Fiveoseveniam Lazaroff

    i like the bizarre and stilted writing style that Thought Catalog seems to have taken as its own. mostly because life is bizarre and stilted.

  • http://twitter.com/nycGtrain G Train

    How feminist of you to write this article.

    • CAPTAIN PENIS HELMET

      THAT'S A VERY OBVIOUS THING TO SAY

      • http://twitter.com/nycGtrain G Train

        DAM.

      • ldkjas

        u got punked

    • lolasexyride#2

      call me up if you want a ride

  • jeez

    what's the site i wanna bone

    • Tsubaki

      rhymes with OKstupid

  • mhm

    who says 'boning' 'blow jay' and 'blunted' ????

    • http://twitter.com/Dan_Hoffmann Dan Hoffman

      Neal Mackey does!!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carlos-Ortiz/1279921705 Carlos Ortiz

      I loved those terms, I'll start employing them.

  • d.

    “I think the misspelling of “sweet” was intentional.”

    sweet.

    • crispin allemand

      sweet, d

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carlos-Ortiz/1279921705 Carlos Ortiz

    It's hard for me to keep in mind that girls are attracted to me and want to bone, this one girl explicitly told a co-worker she thought I was hot and to give me her number, but when I'm around her I can't internalize that feeling of being desirable.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Khaligula Khalil Pineda

      love ur comments bro

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505759069 Julian Tully Alexander

    problematic

    • crispin allemand

      this is airtight PC…do the right thing style

  • Karen

    this is cute

  • Guest

    So what would prevent a feminist from enjoying oral sex? Or is instead that you have no understanding of feminism (which is what I suspect)?

  • Awesomeperson

    Fuck this shit.

  • 2_4Real

    plz dan I did not give you that many blow jays

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/tcgeneral/2014/02/skill-vs-serendipity-why-men-are-studs-and-women-are-sluts/ Skill vs Serendipity: Why Men Are Studs And Women Are Sluts | Thought Catalog

    […] girl, a beauty queen, a preppy, a sexy tomboy, or even one of the few genuinely attractive hardcore feminazis, their pussies are all warm, pink, and moist on the […]

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/raul-felix/2014/02/skill-vs-serendipity-why-men-are-studs-and-women-are-sluts/ Skill Vs. Serendipity: Why Men Are Studs And Women Are Sluts | Thought Catalog

    […] girl, a beauty queen, a preppy, a sexy tomboy, or even one of the few genuinely attractive hardcore feminazis, their pussies are all warm, pink, and moist on the […]

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