Non-Sports Fan’s Guide to March Madness

Justin Timberlake
Justin Timberlake

You again.

Yep, me again.

So what’s going on now in the sports world that I need to know about?

March Madness.

That sounds like a horrifying disease brought on by the Easter Bunny.

Nope, it’s college basketball’s annual tournament. 64 teams, single elimination. Some call it the best tournament in sports.

Neat.

Yep. Any other questions?

Ugh. Well, any big stories I should know about? This is purely in case the bro in my office, Donny, feels like talking to me about this.

Well, we’ve already had a bunch of big upsets, including the biggest upset of the first day–Harvard, a 14-seed, beat New Mexico, a 3-seed. Very few people predicted a Harvard win.

Those nerds have a basketball team?

Right? Who knew? And now they’re the biggest bracket busters of the tournament so far.

What busters?

Bracket busters.

What is bracket busters?

Brackets are where people predict the outcome of the tournament ahead of time. They guess who will win all the games, up until the final. The most games guessed correctly means you win your bracket pool. A bracket buster is a team that no one thought was going to win, so they “bust” up a bracket.

Is that the shit that Donny was emailing me about last week? An office bracket pool?

Yeah. Probably. Did you do one?

Do I look like I did one?

Fair enough.

So what else do I need to know?

We had another nice upset where Cal beat UNLV, a 12-seed over a 5-seed, which is pretty cool.

Seeds?

They rank the team in each region, 1-16. And there are four regions, so there are 64 teams altogether. Except, of course, they expanded the field a few years back, so there are now some play-in games, and the fools at the NCAA have started calling that the first round, which is annoying because everyone knows that isn’t the first round.

Did I go too fast there?

Not only do I have no idea what you’re talking about, but the way you’re talking about this is giving me flashbacks to Thanksgiving dinners with my drunk uncles, and frankly I want to punch you in the neck right now.

OK. Too fast. Anyway, yeah, it’s a bunch of college basketball games, and a lot of people like to watch the games, and gamble on who wins.

So who’s going to win?

Well, this is an interesting year in college hoops.

You’re going to look me in the eye and use the word “interesting” when you’re talking about this shit?

Fine. This is a different year in college hoops. Most years there’s a consensus about who the best team is. This year, not really. A lot of people like Louisville, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Indiana, or Michigan State, or Ohio State, or even Duke won. It’s really wide open this year.

Well, to repeat myself from earlier: Neat.

It is neat.

You heard the new Justin Timberlake album?

I keep trying to listen all the way through, but then I just put “Mirrors” on repeat.

Holy hell. Me too.

That a capella breakdown? Whew.

And that video? With the old couple?

I got a little choked up. I’ll be honest.

See? Isn’t this more fun than the Bracket Easter Bunny Insanity we were talking about a minute ago?

I guess so. TC mark

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