Felix Baumgartner’s Inner Monologue From The Stratosphere, In Haiku Form

I

Up in the balloon.
Remember Balloon Boy? What
happened to that kid?

II

Two million viewers
on YouTube? Eat shit, Bieber.
Can’t touch this flight man!

III

Asked mission control
if I get some in-flight snacks.
No laughs. Not my best.

IV

Contractually
have to drink all this freaking
Red Bull. Jittery.

V

Man, we are getting
HIGH. But, like, for reals, you know?
Like way the fuck high.

VI

Bet Biebs is watching
my YouTube viewer tally
and just getting pissed.

VII

Reached platform. What is
holding this thing up? Magic?
Note: asks nerds later.

VIII

Dude, Greenland is like
HALF as big as it is on
maps. What the hell, maps?

IX

Countdown begins. I
know not the right time, but I
really have to pee.

X

Time to jump. Do I
go with “Geronimo!!” or
simply, “Screw you, Biebs!!!!”?

XI

Falling now. I can
say the pee situation
has resolved itself. TC mark

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  • Thought Catalog

    Reblogged this on theoccupiedmind and commented:
    Falling now. I can
    say the pee situation
    has resolved itself.

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