Haikus For The Unemployed

I

Got really worked up
About a Gawker headline.
Then I took a nap.

II

Hey Mom, Dad. Listen.
It is not about money.
Well, maybe it is.

III

Barista knows me
By name. “Nate, you need to buy
Something or get out.”

IV

Finally settled
On title of my novel:
The Unchained Whisper.

V

What’s the deal with this
Health insurance thing every-
One’s talking about?

VI

Crying cats scream out.
Man, this is a weird movie
On channel fourteen.

VII

Ants have set up shop
In my kitchen. Will deal with
That sometime soon(ish).

VIII

The Unchained Whisper
Now has a first sentence: “It
Was a stormy night.”

IX

YouTube commenter
Says I need to get a life.
Fuck you, @TeenX_3.

X

Found wad of frozen
Meat in freezer. Daddy is
Having steak tonight!

XI

The guy at the gym
Needs to chill with his whole, “You’re
Not a member here.”

XII

Threw out my novel.
Characters weren’t developed.
Plus novels are long. TC mark

image – Shutterstock

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  • http://drnikkiblog.wordpress.com DrNikkiBlog

    So happy I found this page. Love it!

  • http://facebook.com/kristi.keorkunian Kristi K

    Cheating! UNDERSCORE IS 3 SYLLABLES!

    • http://cantgohomeagain.tumblr.com Nathan Savin Scott

      I am shamed.

  • http://twitter.com/johntaylortweet John Taylor (@johntaylortweet)

    Story of my life

  • Coolio

    I’d tell you to keep your day job…

  • ctrain

    Laughed audibly from
    my cubicle. Now I too
    will be unemployed.

    • http://roastedkeyboard.wordpress.com roastedkeyboard

      you sir, are…
      or lady I know not
      are a genius

      WORST HAIKU TRY EVER on my part that is. :/

  • matt

    manatees don’t care
    if they’re gainfully employed
    screw you manatee.

    http://unemploymenthaikuweekly.com/

    • matt

      please note, I am not the same Matt who started unemployment haiku weekly. I’m just another matt who liked it, thought of it after reading this post, and shared it with all of you good people.

      • http://natescottblog.wordpress.com natescottblog

        I had no idea this was a thing. Wow. I am doubly shamed.

      • http://roastedkeyboard.wordpress.com roastedkeyboard

        Don’t feel bad. The person is obviously employed now, they haven’t blogged since 2009!

        Either that, or they are dead. Ok now I feel bad. =/

  • http://helenahay.wordpress.com helenahay

    ha! great.

  • http://www.oscarvgarcia.com Oscar

    Oh hey, I’m a Tulane alum too! GO GREEN WAVE

  • alicia

    LMAO love it!

  • http://itsyowyow.com/2012/07/17/thought-catalog-roundup-9/ Thought Catalog Roundup « Yow Yow!

    […] Haikus for the Unemployed […]

  • http://wonderwomendotnet.wordpress.com aeryn21

    Absolutely brilliant! What is happening to us lovers of literature and arts and social sciences who can’t seem to get a job because “writing is not an important skill”? (not as important as coding apparently). I actually wrote a post on post-graduation unemployment..not as good as your haiku but …http://wonder-girls.org/2012/04/06/how-to-not-end-up-jobless-single-fat-soon-to-be-homeless/

  • http://lookingeloquent.com/2012/07/20/week-in-review/ Week In Review | Looking Eloquent

    […] Catalog posted an embarrassingly applicable collection of haikus for the […]

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