To The Girl Who Thinks Strong, Independent Women Don’t Ask For Help

Every morning you wake up and get busy constructing your own world as you wish to see it. Your days are built on your terms, your world is governed by your own rules, and your creations are fuelled by your vivacious energy.

You travel often. Your smartphone memory is filled with photos of exotic places, smiling people, and notes of new project ideas. As for the projects, you have a few. You’re masterminding a business plan or already running a business or a side hustle project. You’re thinking of putting all those notes into a book one day.

You give a damn about this world and how its future is going to turn out. You’re ready to do the work when it comes to issues you care about: volunteering, taking a stand, even encouraging the neighbours to recycle. You thrive in this world you’ve made for yourself. “What a beautiful time we live in,” you tell your girlfriends at Sunday brunch. There isn’t a single problem you can’t fix.

Sure, sometimes there are glitches in this perfectly arranged system. Let’s say one day your computer shuts down and won’t turn back on again. It’s pretty serious, considering all your projects are in there, as well as most of your life. Clients and partners are waiting for you to show up and deliver. There’s unfinished chapters of that book you intend to write. There are still those photos of that recent trip to Asia that need editing.

But being the independent woman you are, you’ve got a solution ready. There’s a repair shop in the center, so everyone, please keep calm. You’ll take the laptop to repair and hunch over a tiny smartphone screen for few days, replying to emails and making sure life continues as if nothing happened. Your clients won’t even notice!

Let’s say the other day you came down with the flu. Unfortunately, even self-reliant girls like you aren’t immune to common viruses. But, as before, the solution can be found in your toolbox. Try those herbs your grandma swore by or use some quick-fix pills you’ve got in the pharmacy downstairs.

You’ll take actions, the same as you would do when challenge shows up in any area of your beautifully designed world. You’ll send emails from your bed and maybe push back a couple of social gatherings by a day. Most colleagues and friends won’t even notice.

Many little glitches like this can go wrong in your universe. Most of them you’ll brush off confidently — they aren’t even worth mentioning at that Sunday brunch with girlfriends. You’ve got it. There’s a tool in your toolbox for every glitch, big or small.

Why tell friends about the flu if you’re perfectly capable of getting your own medicine? Why mention technical glitches to colleagues if you’re capable of walking to a repair shop? There’s probably an app for half of the challenges you’re having and detailed YouTube videos for the rest of them.

As if asking for help just once would make you less of a superwoman! No, I’m not talking about hiring help. You’re no stranger to hiring professionals to help you deal with this fast-paced world of yours. I’m talking about old-fashioned support. From friends, loved ones, and those who care about you no matter how high you jump and how much you achieve. These are the people who’ll feel like they gain by giving, contributing to that miraculous world of yours.

You don’t need that help, but it’s a whole different world when you accept it.

If your buddy from the office sees how technologically challenged you are and decides to take a look, let it happen. Don’t start on the “I can do it myself” talk. Yes, you can. That’s not the point. Buy them a coffee if you prefer. Multiply the kindness instead of shutting it down.

If, hearing about your flu, a friend decides to stop by after work and brings some lemons to increase your vitamin C levels, simply say, “Thank you.” When life gives you lemons, you don’t mumble, “You didn’t have to.”

This isn’t about abusing kindness or becoming a freeloader, and it’s certainly not about losing independence. It’s about letting in a new kind of depth into these relationships. Allow yourself to ease up a little and be vulnerable, at least sometimes. It’s all about letting the people who love and respect you do something for you. Because this is how most people know how to express their love.