I Am A Camgirl And It Saved My Life

Broad City / Amazon.com.
Broad City / Amazon.com.

I am a camgirl. There. I said it. Or typed it. Either way, the bullshit is out in the open.

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past ten years, you might be wondering what a camgirl is. Basically I show my naughty bits over webcam to twenty to one hundred (depending on the day and time) people frequenting a chat room. But most of the time I’m just talking with them, which is actually a lot of fun.

The nature of this job is interesting. I’m technically a sex worker, just like a stripper or a hooker. But there’s no danger; I’m safe behind a webcam hundreds of miles away from any of my “clients.” When I first started, the first thing that worried me was people finding out, but luckily I can restrict certain regions from viewing my profile or my chat room. Now I don’t care; I’ve told several friends and while the reactions from most have been positive, some did say they don’t approve.

I don’t care though; I can honestly say camming has saved my life. Here’s how:

1. It helped my self confidence.

I had a shitty childhood and adolescence. I hate the term “daddy-issues,” but I can say with full certainty that my issues of self-esteem self-worth stem from the fact that I was born to two people who shouldn’t have had children. It’s life, it happens, and I have to deal with my demons. That being said, my methods for removing my demons in the past haven’t been so healthy. Alcohol, anorexia, bulimia, extreme exercise, and overworking myself all being some examples of things I did in the past to gain “control.”

Now, however, I can see that I am attractive, I am funny, and that people do like me and my body. People PAY to see my body. When that realization hit me — holy shit, I still can’t stop grinning.

2. It is a great career choice for me.

At least for now…Due to the fucked up nature of my upbringing, I have a plethora of mental “issues,” severe anxiety, mild OCD, and mild PTSD. Having worked several jobs, I’ve found that most “normal” jobs like ones in retail or the service industry are chock full of triggers. I had a manager at one job that would go through rages, pick favorites, gaslight, and invalidate his employees. The amount of stress I faced from this bullshit kept me awake at night. Now that may sound extreme, but in every one of my jobs I have had some sort of panic attack from my issues.

When I “work” now, I can sit at my desk, on my bed, or in my favorite butterfly style fluffy chair. I am my own boss, I can log in when I want and can log out when I want. Someone’s pissing me off? Bossing me around? Invalidating me? I can ban them from my room. I have the opportunity to leave and take a breather, and then come back when I’m feeling better.

I also make a shit ton of money — compared to before, at least.

In the past two weeks I’ve made $2,500. Whereas my 2014 taxes alone told me I made $7,000 between three jobs throughout the ENTIRE year. The ability to have this much money in the bank helps me feel immensely more secure and less stressed. I’m not worried; If I get sick, I can pay for medicine. If I have to move out of my accommodations at school, I can afford a place. I have a backup for the first time in my life.

I know I can’t do this forever, but having the time allows me to get better and heal so I can rejoin the “real” world.

3. It’s helped my relationship.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months, and I love him so much. He’s been through it all with me, and has put up with my craziest moments. Since I’ve started camming though, he’s noticed that I have a better attitude: I sleep better at night, I am less stressed, and less likely to make destructive decisions. I am a more loving person, and appreciate him more because I can now see how great and selfless of a person he is. And when he sees how desirable I am, he gets a little ego boost.

My life’s not perfect, and I realize I may be opening myself up to a ton of judgment. But this is my body and my choice, and it’s the best decision I’ve made in a very long time. TC mark

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