I’m discovering that this year I’ve been very intentional about my healing process, although it hasn’t always been a consistent one.
I’ve always struggled with staying focused on my healing journey. I tend to recognize for a moment that things don’t feel right — that I don’t feel right — and I make a decision to be better. I spend a weekend or a week doing all the things I believe will help heal me, and then I fall right back into the trap of focusing on everything and everyone else around me.
I can’t say I’ve gotten much better at focusing on myself, however I do recognize that at those prime moments that I really felt my heart hurting, I have been intentional about how I approach my healing process.
I’ve been intentional about turning off all the noise around me. This includes social media and the news.
I’ve been intentional about disconnecting from people that I may be speaking or spending a lot of time with, even if it’s just for a few days, as not to project, hurt, or bring my focus back to them rather than myself.
I’ve been intentional about staying indoors in the confines of my apartment — a place that brings me the most peace.
I’ve been intentional about cleaning up the space around me so that my mind can stay as clear as possible throughout the process.
I’ve been intentional about holding my crystals, saging my home, and reciting beautiful affirmations and mantras, while having nonjudgmental conversations with God where I’m just expressing whatever comes to mind. Sometimes I’m simply just repeating “thank you” over and over and over again under my breath with my eyes closed, holding a crystal to my chest until I feel its vibrations throughout my body, tears begin to run down my face, and a smile creeps up on my lips. This is my version of connecting to the Holy Spirit.
I’ve been intentional about letting go of the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” thoughts that flood in and just allow myself to be present in the moment.
And while in the moment, I’ve been very intentional about trying to make myself cry. Trying to force the floodgates to overflow so as to release as much pain, hurt, or anger as possible — this being the most difficult part of the process for me.
And lastly, while crying, I am intentional about soothing and ensuring that the items around me are comforting and the visuals I see are loving and positive. I once grieved a breakup by locking myself indoors for the weekend, allowing myself to cry as much as I could, eat sushi and tacos in bed (don’t judge me), journaled my thoughts on what happened between us from a loving place, and binge watched Black Love episodes to remain hopeful.
Point is, I’ve been intentional about how to heal my heart — because it’s mine. And no one else in this world could, would, or should ever have the expectation placed on them to heal a part of you that you haven’t learned how to heal yourself.