10 Online Dating Messages That Won’t Get A Reply

rudall30 / (Shutterstock.com)
rudall30 / (Shutterstock.com)

First impressions are everything, especially on the Internet. After working for one of the world’s largest dating sites for over four years, I’ve often received feedback from users finding it difficult to connect with someone.

Men will often send out a ton of messages on and find themselves coming up short in the reply department. Women are most often not sending enough (or any) messages because they’re too busy waiting to be wooed. The truth is, they’re both failing miserably for a reason.

Sending that first message to another user can mean the difference between an amazing new romance and a Friday night at home with Ben and Jerry.

Here are the 10 messages that guarantee you WON’T get a reply.


“What’s up cutie ; ) what you up to ? We should chat sometime hmu.”

I can’t begin to express how frustrating it is to not only be called “cutie” (I am a GROWN WOMAN) by a total stranger but to throw in a “we should chat sometime hmu.” This is first-message suicide. I’m pretty sure this has been sent to about 100 other users in hopes they will “hit you up.” If you were really interested in chatting and getting to know someone, you’re going to need to put down more than a sentence. Give me something to work with. Mention an interest listed on my profile or something we could converse about; otherwise it’s going to go to Nowheresville fast.


“Hello how are you my name is (insert name here) and I’m single and i’m trying to find my life long love.”

So you mean this isn’t a site for tips on growing better potatoes? In most cases with a message like this, the person means well. However, announcing your single status is useless here. Scale it back on the lifelong love stuff because let’s face it; I’m probably checking my Tinder profile after this.

Read the profile and gauge what kind of relationship they’re looking for first. Take it SLOW. Also, check your grammar and spelling. Many people are huge sticklers for those details.



OK, whoa. On the Internet, if you’re using Caps Lock, you’d better be Kanye West or 90 years old. Otherwise, you’re screaming at me. Please refrain. Good try on the Spanish, though!


“Hi how’s it going? I was just viewing your profile, and I’d love to know more about you.”

Great start! This probably would receive a response if you’d included a thing or two included in my profile in that “About Me” section we all grudgingly fill out. Was it my selfies? Was it something you related to? If you’re viewing my profile and would love to know more, mention something you noticed about me, or ask a question to learn more.


“Just came across your profile randomly. You seem like an interesting person? You are attractive. Would you like to chat?”

This isn’t exactly a snowstorm in July. We are both on an online dating site, so crazier things have happened than you coming across my profile. My dog also tells me every day that I’m attractive. You will need to put in a little more effort.


“Gorgeous, text me” (insert phone number here)

Anyone who includes their phone number in a first contact message can step to the left. Stay away from these people 100% of the time.


“What do you do for fun, what do you do for a living, and what brings you here?”

More often than not, these are questions you’d know the answer to had you taken the time to read my profile. What brings me here? My dog needs a father figure so he’ll stop peeing in the yard like a girl. Next!


“Hi. I’m (insert name here). I’m a part time dad (or mom) to a beautiful 5yr old who is my world and my everything. I just want to be up front right away as I don’t play games or believe in wasting anyone’s time. So if that’s an issue let me know. I work full time and have my child every other weekend but as I’m lucky to have a job where I work 4 10hr days I do have free time for someone special. I’m not into clubs or bars but occasionally go to a pub for sporting events. I’m very outgoing as I love to talk about anything and everything. I love kids and animals, going for walks, being outside, whether at the beach or just walking or on the patio having a drink. That being said I also love watching movies and cuddling with my significant other I miss that. Sidenote, there’s no baggage or drama with the mother we split after our daughters first bday in case u were wondering. Sorry if it’s too much too soon I wear my heart in my sleeve and will always share my feelings. It’s who I am. better to be blunt than to say nothing I figure. Anyways just wanted to say hi hope you had an awesome weekend.”

Good Lord. There’s always that one person who just unleashes every last thing you need to know in their initial message. While I always recommend being upfront and honest about your intentions and situation, there’s a little sense of TMI, especially when this is your opening. Too little can be boring; too much can be sensory overload and a general turnoff for any potential dates. A first message is geared to be an icebreaker, not a therapy session.


“Hey how is it going? u into bi guys at all?”

While people certainly shouldn’t judge your sexuality, you’re coming on a bit strong with this one. At least save this for our third date.


“After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind.

 Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories… you will always have a special place in my heart.

Your Ex-husband,


You can keep the beach house in Florida as long as I can have the dog and my DVD’s back.”

One of THE oldest and most commonly used Internet pickup lines. It’s unoriginal and has been used since the Internet was blessed with cat videos. We know you didn’t write this witty (yet creepy) line yourself. NEXT! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Keep up with Natasha on Website

More From Thought Catalog