A Day In The Life With My Friend Depression
By Natasa Ghica
It’s 9 am. I wake up.
The bed is empty next to me.
It usually is these days.
I wrap myself further in my blankets and stay there, thinking of nothing in particular, until my mind is too numb to think of sadness.
I drag myself out of bed and walk downstairs to the kitchen.
I open the fridge and take out a container of plain yogurt.
I haven’t washed the dishes in days.
I grab a dirty spoon from the sink and quickly wash it.
I stand in the kitchen for a few moments unsure of what to do with myself.
For a moment I contemplate actually going into work, or maybe even heading to the gym.
But then I just drag myself to the couch like I do every day.
I watch Friends for the thousand time in a row and try to eat my yogurt.
But my mouth feels foreign and I can’t stand the idea of eating anything at all, so I just lay down instead.
Around 5 pm, I’ve finished the yogurt.
Friends is still playing.
Ross and Rachel are fighting again.
I call my mom.
She asks me what I’ve done today and I tell her that I’ve been “relaxing”.
Then, she asks me if I’ve made my doctors appointment yet.
I feel too bad to lie to her so I say “tomorrow”.
After our conversation, I decide it’s time for dinner.
I’m too tired to cook, and not very hungry.
I guess that yogurt has filled me up.
So I grab a banana and a glass of orange juice and spend the better part of two hours trying to keep it down.
I try to write but my mind can only produce sad anecdotes for everything.
So, I put on Friends again and look through Instagram at pictures of happy people.
There’s one girl in particular that I look at every day.
Her life is a dream that I wish I could live.
I download a book about infidelity.
It seems to have become my favorite topic.
And I read it with Friends on for background noise.
I can’t be alone in a quiet house.
Sometime after midnight, I make myself go upstairs.
I ponder taking a shower but quickly forget about that once I’m under my blanket.
I don’t fall asleep for awhile.
Colin comes home eventually and I pretend I’m sleeping.
He doesn’t touch me.
His back is to me an eventually I hear his quiet snoring.
It lulls me to sleep.
My last thought is “tomorrow will be better”.
It’s 9 am. I wake up.
The bed is empty next to me.
It usually is these days.